Life After Loss

➡ Peggy emphasizes the importance of recognizing and navigating sorrow. She advises not to avoid it but rather to honor it as a testament to the value of what was lost, suggesting different methods to express and manage grief such as limiting time to grieve, having a particular place to express sorrow, participating in support groups, speaking with close friends and family, and writing in a journal.
➡ The text narrates the profound impact of experiencing loss, with focus on the passing of a cherished pet. The writer encourages expressing grief through writing letters to lost loved ones and memorializing the shared moments, reflecting on the therapeutic act’s healing potentials. The writer also discusses the importance of seeking support and grief counseling when needed, and at the same time balances grief by appreciating life more profoundly.
➡ Pastor David and his spouse host monthly seminars focusing on coping with life after loss, including the development of educational materials aimed to help individuals regain their footing amid recent life-altering challenges.

Hey, friends, peggy hall back with you here. I’m so glad that you’re on board as I endeavor to add positive value to your life. Now, the title of today’s episode is this Helps with Sorrow. And I am feeling a little filled with sorrow today. I had a couple of losses recently, not personal losses, but they did affect me deeply. I imagine you’ve been through similar situations, maybe even your own personal losses, something that has happened to someone that you know.

And I have a dear friend who very tragically experienced her losing her husband in an accident and it’s very heartbreaking and there’s quite a bit more to the story, but I’ll just, for reasons of privacy, leave it at that. And I just am sharing her sorrow with her. And then we found out that someone who is very close to us, little kitty cat, also passed away and we are sharing in that sorrow as well.

And this is where I want to share with you what helps in sorrow. Let me start out by saying that all emotions are valid. I am the last person to tell you to hop, skip and jump over your sorrow. However, I certainly don’t want to lose myself in the river of pain. I don’t want to be debilitated by the sorrow, meaning I’m unable to continue to live my life.

But I will also honor that sorrow because it’s a testimony or a testament. It is a type of witness to the fact that what was lost had value. I think sometimes in our society we can go to extreme ends when it comes to sorrow, where people will say, put it behind you, think about everything that you enjoyed, focus on the positive and just move on. And there are some people that actually have in their own God given nature, that ability to sort of plow through life and keep their shoulders back and their head up high and just move on through.

You might not even see them cry. You might even be thinking, wow, that person’s kind of cold. They’re not really sorrowing here. Well, the fact is they’re doing it in their own way and there are many different expressions of sorrow. And this is where I’m going to share with you in just a moment something that helps, that I think that helps with sorrow. I had thought of titling this episode Beautiful Sorrow, because that is also a way that you might explore looking at your sorrow, there is a line between beauty and pain, between beauty and loss.

What I mean is that the fact that we loved something so deeply is beautiful. It’s amazing to consider the impact that this person or animal or situation, you might be grieving the loss of a situation, of a home, of a way of life. You might have had some financial issues. That’s something to grieve. You may have had someone who’s still alive, but that relationship is no longer the same.

And I’ve done many videos on this channel that help you with broken relationships. We did a whole series last week about forgiveness, the hidden steps of pre forgiveness. And those are types of losses. Those are sorrows. When we have broken relationships or we have a broken relationship with ourself, we feel that we can’t forgive ourself or support ourself or encourage ourself. So given that my nature is one of optimism and cheerfulness and positivity, I can be one of those people that don’t like to dwell on the sorrow.

However, I have found that if I delay, if I distract myself, if I unknowingly get stuck in the cycle of regret which prevents me from actually grieving, that can make it more difficult. So I have learned over the many decades here on Earth and the multiple losses that I’ve had, I’ve developed different ways of processing the sorrow, of dealing with the sorrow. And I would say at this stage of my life, I am much more inclined to embrace that.

To actually let my sorrows be sorrows, to not quickly hop, skip and jump over, all the while keeping my conscience and my heart and my thoughts and my moods, my emotions, my actions all on alert to notice whether or not I am drowning in the river of pain. So before I get to the grand finale of what Can Help You With Your sorrow, I’ll give you a couple of other bonus tips on what can help with your sorrow.

I find that giving myself limits or let me say that’s kind of a negative word, let me say that I will allow myself a certain amount of time and certain places where I will freely dive into the sorrow, express it, feel it, let it wash over me. And I allow that in ways of tears, of anger, of regret, of frustration might be in there. All the different mixed bag of emotions can come up during the sorrow, but often it’s more of a heaviness and there are tears again, mixed in with a little anger and regret.

So I process that through writing in a journal, through speaking with someone that might be a family member or a close friend. But you need to tread lightly that you’re not wearing them down and out because often somebody that is close to you wants you to feel better and they’re going to tell you they’re there. It’s not so bad, you’ll get over it. Look on the bright side and you’re like, I don’t want to look on the bright side.

I don’t want to get over it. So possibly someone that knows you well might not be the first choice unless you can say to them, I just need you to be a shoulder for me to cry on. Please don’t try to fix it. I don’t even need you to say anything other than I’m here for you again. I’ve done videos on this in the past about grief needs a witness, and I’ve gone into great detail.

You might find that there is a caring support group that you can either attend online or I find it really important and helpful to be in person. I’ve been a part of grief share groups for many, many years, and in some losses that I am recalling. When this group met on Thursdays and I couldn’t wait until Thursday arrived, it was like a lifeline. And I thought, okay, if I can make it till Thursday, I’m going to get an infusion of support.

I’m going to get a lifeboat for the soul. I’m going to have some prayer and people who understand what I’m going through. And these were people that I didn’t know well. So it was better for me because they weren’t aware of the complicated relationships that I was grieving. So it was a little cleaner, a little simpler, and it brought me great relief. You might find that online. I’ve had also experiences where I’ve had a caring person support me online.

And that also helped me because there was a little bit of a distance. I didn’t have to drive anywhere, and if I was crying, I had my Kleenex right there and it wasn’t as intimate, so that might work for you as well. And then, of course, writing things out in a journal, I think it’s very helpful. So what I do is I allow myself certain places, like, okay, I’m going to allow the grieving in the bathroom or on this chair.

And then later when I need a break, I’ll sit in the other chair and it won’t be drenched in the tears and the sorrow. Does that make sense? I feel sometimes my pain and sorrow can be infused into places, and sometimes I don’t want that. I want a break. Back in the day when I was working in offices and going to a job, I would tell myself, okay, while I’m at work, I’m going to hold it together.

And when I’m in the car, I can scream and cry and pound the steering wheel. Nobody’s going to hear me. So during the day, I gave myself a break. I had that space and place and time where I knew that I could dive into that sorrow when I wanted to. So I found that helpful for myself. So the people who I was going to experience that sorrow with, the places geographically, whether outside of the home or in the home, and then the time.

So maybe I would hold myself together all throughout the day, and then it was time to go to bed or take a bath or something. I would allow myself to. And by allow, I just mean experience it at that time. There’s no hard and fast rules here, but I did find that helpful. Last week I spoke about pre forgiveness and how powerful it is for you to write a letter or to journal as if it’s the person who wronged you, apologizing to you, and how powerful that is that you are creating this vision and an experience that you can viscerally feel that that person was apologizing.

This is the power of the written word. So let me share with you now, I hope those other tips are helpful as well, but here’s one that I don’t know if I’ve ever shared. And this came by way of my lovely friend who is a young lady and grieving the loss of a beautiful cat. Young cat. It was an unexpected loss and we are all grieving with her today.

She shared with me, and this is the thing that could help you, a beautiful letter that she wrote to this sweet kitty cat saying how much joy the cat had brought to her life, recalling some of the beautiful moments that they had spent together. Ironically, she had just filmed a couple of videos the previous day about this lovely little kitty. And my heart breaks with all of you that have lost a beloved pet.

In some ways, these bonds are stronger than some I’m just speaking for myself than some that I’ve had with human beings that have passed away, because these animals are so precious and they rely on us and our bond with them is so deep. They’re like lifelong toddlers that need our care and attention and we’re responsible for them. So that was such a beautiful gesture. And that’s where the beautiful sorrow comes together.

Grieving deeply and at a young age, this lovely young adult woman having the wherewithal to write this beautiful message to her beloved kitty cat, remembering these times and really like a fare thee well until we meet again. And I find this so valuable in terms of it’s almost like, you know how we have funerals for our human beings? It’s like a closure. I don’t mean closing the door, but there’s a sense of maybe completion is a better word.

Like, I’ve taken this step and she can read that letter again and again. It was from her heart and soul to this beautiful little kitty cat. And this immediately I thought, I want to share with my audience because it had such an impact on me. Friends, it’s never too late. You may have animals that have passed decades ago that you feel it’s very rocky and tenuous and painful for you to think about that.

So perhaps exploring this idea of writing a letter, of sharing these memories and not just in your heart and mind, this is the key that it’s your hand and not on a computer, your hand is writing on a piece of paper. There’s so much that is unknown about this wonderful activity of actually writing on paper. It can be very contemplative, meditative almost, where you feel that you are connecting your mind, your body, your heart, your soul, your emotions.

And then you have something also that you can keep and read again. Or maybe never even read again if that’s too painful for you. So I hope that this helps you in your sorrow. Just a reminder, let your sorrows be sorrows. There is no rushing through it unless you feel that you are getting stuck. If it has been months and you are unable to get out of bed, if you’re unable to go grocery shopping or do the laundry or do the dishes, or worse yet, if you’re unable to spend time with your remaining pets or children or family members.

If you found that life has no meaning any longer and your life is just sort of a flat, dull existence, those would be some signs that perhaps the grief has subsumed you. And so I would recommend that you do explore these other ways of experiencing the sorrow, of working through that and then integrating it into your life going forward. It’s never going to be the same for my young adult friend who will not have this kitty cat in her life any longer.

That is a very difficult reality to face. And then even more so with my beloved friend from high school who lost her husband under these tragic circumstances. Just breathing, taking each next breath for her is difficult, and that is going to take time, support, prayer, and so much more. So these are not instant things that make everything better, because nothing is going to make it all better. I’m still grieving the losses that I’ve had decades ago.

I still feel that pain, and that’s okay. It’s a reminder that that love is still important and we still have that love, even though the physical manifestation of it has changed, that love has not. All right. I still love my loved ones even though they’re not here with me. A couple of them I think I love even more because it’s a little easier just to inject a little levity here.

It’s not so rocky those relationships any longer and all is forgiven. All has been resolved. They are back where their soul belongs with their Creator and all is forgiven. And you can continue to have prayerful conversations, I believe in a certain way with those loved ones, and I hope that you will do that as well. All right, friends, that’s what I’ve got for you today. Let me take a look at your comments.

I so appreciate you being here with me, and I hope you like my virtual background. This one really puts a smile on my face and it just helps to lighten my outlook here. Oh, dear. I’m reading some of your sorrowful and tragic situations here. I would recommend that if you decide that want to share some of these painful situations, this is just my own preference that if you’re going to talk to a friend or a loved one, I would check with them first to see if they want to be that shoulder to cry on.

Not everybody has the constitution to do so think about certain people in your life that may be of an emotional nature that that is going to burden them even more and that hearing about your pain and loss and sorrow is going to be another pain, loss and sorrow for them. That’s why trained counselors are very, very helpful or going to these grief share groups often run by people that have years of experience.

So that is where I would go with that. Our loved ones and people that we may not really know may not be ready to take that on. So I was hearing some listening to a podcast a while ago and somebody said, yeah, you should go to a friend and share all of your hidden secrets with them. And I’m like if a friend came to me and wanted to unburden their hidden secrets, I don’t want to be the person to carry that.

That’s not for me to carry. I’m not a trained professional and I don’t want to know these secrets that she might be keeping from someone else. So no, you don’t just burden someone else in a way without getting their permission first and just letting them know this is what I need here’s where I’m hurting. Would you like to be that shoulder to cry on? And my prayer for you is that you are going to find those exact right people in your life.

I know that God is going to open the doors. He is going to be the great comforter. And I also want to say that what we are experiencing is the whole treasure chest of emotions, the whole sea, the whole ocean of emotions. And I know people that are my age that have actually never experienced the loss of a loved one. It’s stunning to me. Their parents, even though their parents are in their 90s, their parents are still alive.

They never lost a sibling, they never lost an aunt or an uncle or a niece or a nephew or a cousin and I’ve lost all of the above. So it’s stunning to me that some people I know in my generation have never suffered the loss of a loved one. Now, they may have lost a dog and a cat if they had animals. I know some people that never had pets and they may have had other losses.

But sometimes I look and I think, you know, as painful as it is that I’ve lost these loved ones, I have experienced a whole aspect of life that not everybody has and that has given me a wider perspective and a greater appreciation for each breath of life. I think that’s why I have been standing so strong against this notion that somebody has the right to take my breath away.

They don’t have that right. No one has the right over my breath, over my very gift of life from God. And certainly I will never surrender that, especially under some kind of guise of government or safety. Now, if I’m painting something or going up into the attic, maybe I would want to put on a dust filter or something. But that’s a whole topic for another day. The point is, knowing how precious every breath of life is, I am never going to compromise that at all.

All right, friends. I hope that this was helpful for you. If you would like more support in terms of loss, please join our monthly webinars. These are free, in a manner of speaking. If you are a supporter of the work I do, and there are ways in the link in the description box below that you can see, I want to support you. So for anyone that has sent a check in the mail or sent a donation as a gesture of appreciation for the work that I offer freely, we, meaning me and my husband, Pastor David, who would love to pray for you, we do a monthly seminar, and often we speak about life after loss.

In fact, I’m working on some classes on that, a companion handbook, because I think that well, I know that so many of us have been I’m looking for the word swept off our feet in these last few years with our life being turned upside down, with all of the challenges that we’ve had. And I want to help you be able to get back up on your feet and integrate those losses and actually understand that, yes, there is life after loss.

All right. .