➡ The author discusses how to handle nosy people who ask inappropriate questions. She emphasizes that just because someone asks a question, it doesn’t mean you have to answer it. She suggests maintaining personal boundaries and responding politely without revealing private information. She also briefly discusses her skincare routine after receiving compliments from viewers.
➡ The speaker shares her journey of creating her own natural skincare line, inspired by the coast, after other products worsened her skin condition. She appreciates her customers and mentions refining the product’s label while maintaining its quality. She also discusses dealing with intrusive questions, suggesting strategies like deflecting, giving partial answers, or responding with a question. Lastly, she encourages maintaining personal boundaries and avoiding gossip, especially in community settings.
➡ The text discusses various strategies to handle intrusive questions while maintaining a friendly demeanor. These include deflecting the question, answering a question with a question, giving a partial answer, using humor, and setting firm boundaries. The author emphasizes the importance of matching the response to the relationship and reminds readers that not every question requires an answer. The text also provides examples of polite one-liners to use when faced with nosy inquiries.
➡ The text discusses how to handle nosy people and the importance of setting boundaries. It suggests various responses to intrusive questions, ranging from gentle to firm. The author also explores reasons why people might be nosy, such as lack of self-awareness, social awkwardness, or a desire for gossip. The text emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and setting boundaries for a balanced, healthy life.
➡ The text emphasizes the importance of respecting personal boundaries and understanding that everyone has different levels of sensitivity. It highlights that being curious or direct doesn’t give anyone the right to invade someone’s privacy or ask intrusive questions. The text also encourages setting healthy boundaries and clarifies that doing so is not a rejection of people, but a way to maintain balance and fairness. Lastly, it advises against participating in gossip and emphasizes the value of humor and light-heartedness in dealing with difficult situations.
➡ The speaker appreciates the community’s input and shares various comments, including one about narcissists dominating conversations and another about keeping personal and work lives separate. They also discuss cultural differences in sharing personal life at work, and mention the issue of gossip leading to scapegoating. The speaker ends by emphasizing the importance of focusing on our immediate communities and solving local issues before tackling global ones.

Hey, friends. Last week we talked about how to talk to people who don’t want to hear what you have to say. And, boy, did you have something to say about that. I got comments from the viewers here, and I want to thank everybody for being on board. This came from Lori. She said, I really like your perspective. I’ve had several of these situations that you’re talking about, and I really like the tip where you say, would you like to hear about what worked for me? And then put a time limit on it. And boom. She said, wow, that is so huge for me.

Communication is really huge. Summarize what you have to say and keep it short. That was one of the tips that I gave. So she’s repeating that I love hearing from you. So I thought this week we would tackle the opposite situation. This is where people are way too nosy. They are asking questions. They are overstepping their bounds, and it is so awkward, especially for people like you and me that are polite and friendly and cheerful and upbeat and relatively open. We want to be friendly and have these conversations. Then you’re sort of caught off guard when people ask these very nosy questions.

We’re going to be talking about that in the video. I made lots of notes here because sometimes, have you noticed, I kind of go off in another direction. Just ask my husband. I multitask. He likes to single task. So I’m going to single task in this video. But think about. People who ask inappropriate questions can have a conversation that goes from, hey, how are you doing? To how come you’re not married? Or how come you are married? When are your children going to have kids? Or when are you going to have kids? Or why didn’t you have children? When are you going to be a grandmother? Oh, my gosh.

Are you two having problems? How much did that cost? Did you have some work done? Oh, my gosh. Are you sick? You look tired. Did you leave your job? Why? What really happened with your family? Oh, I’m getting anxiety just thinking about these kinds of questions. And when you think about it, these nosy questions typically kind of fall into the same categories. A lot of them are about relationships, about your family, extended family. You know, this puts me in mind next week to talk about gossiping. That is something that I just do not brook. I will not listen to gossip.

And I have to say, that’s a great quality that my husband and I have. We never gossip about people. We never leave an in some kind of social event and then say, could you believe what he said? Or what they were wearing or. It is never that type of conversation. There’s no use. There’s no reason for that. So gossip is one of those things, like complaining, that is really contagious, a real kind of contagion. Not like some of those things we’re told are contagious. That is negativity and gossip. And I. The only thing I’m negative about and critical about is critical people and negative people and people who gossip.

But this is also about people who are nosy. So people talk about marriage, they want to dig in too deep. They talk about relationships, children, your children, your grandchildren, or why you don’t have any. Money is a big one. Health is another one. And then your appearance, aging. I mean, it’s so I guess it’s rude, but also nosy when people will say things like, are you all right? You don’t look well. I’m like, how do you answer that question? And I’m not talking about people that are close to you. This is more. Well, sometimes even people that are close to us, meaning in laws or outlaws, if you want to call them that, neighbors, co workers.

It’s almost as if they feel entitled to ask you these things because they’re assuming a type of closeness or intimacy that isn’t really appropriate in terms of asking these questions. So in other words, this is where they’re crossing the line between just being friendly, having conversation, or even having actual concern and then really pushing into the personal part of your life. And let me say that it’s not always the question that’s inappropriate. I find that it’s sometimes the tone. I mean, I remember having a co worker that would say things to me like that. Are you getting enough sleep? What kind of question is that to ask a person? It’s such.

Well, it’s inappropriate to put it that way. And let me know in a comment, the questions that you have gotten and from the people you know. Mainly it’s people that have not earned the access to your private life. And even with people that are close to you, there are some things that really shouldn’t be discussed. So you know these people. And we’re going to talk about that at the end of the video. So stick with me. I’m going to talk about, in my own experience, why I think people overstep these boundaries. And let me know what you think as well.

So we’ll talk all about that. This video is going to be looking at what I call super strategies to deal with these sticky situations. And I guess what qualifies me to do this is I’m just a human being who has lived on earth and has had these experiences. And I do have decades of professional experience teaching communication skills. So this is sort of in the broader context of just communicating with people cordially and setting your own boundaries in a way where you can still maintain your own comportment, your own level of cheerfulness where you’re not coming across as rude.

And if you want to come across as rude, that’s fine by me. I mean, I personally don’t, unless the situation is really getting out of bounds. So let me give you the punchline right off the bat because I know, as I say, sometimes I can take a little windy path here. So the punchline is this. Just because someone asked you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it. I know it’s earth shattering, and I also want to thank my husband because he has helped me with some of these things. Another really earth shattering thing he helped me with.

A little bit off topic is you don’t have to keep pictures of yourself that aren’t flattering. All right, I don’t know what kind of rule we got into where you have to keep pictures of yourself. And I’m not talking about on the phone, they’re easy to delete. I’m talking about actual photos. Back in the day, if you’re in my generation, you remember having cameras and, and you took the film to get developed, and I thought that if you had a picture that you held in your hand, you couldn’t throw it away. Well, I’ve thrown away a lot of pictures.

And I’ve also thrown away this concept that just because somebody asked me a question, the polite thing to do is to answer it. I’m going to give you answers that are polite, that still maintain your privacy, that protect your own boundaries. I love talking about boundaries because for most of my life, I had very loose boundaries. I didn’t speak up for myself. I was a people pleaser, which sadly kind of veers into the line of doing and saying things just because other people want you to. So it kind of falls into this category as well. So let’s sit up straight, let’s pull our shoulders back, let’s get a sense of confidence, and let’s have those protective boundaries around us for the times when people ask these nosy questions.

Now, before we get into all of that, one question I don’t mind getting is when people ask me about my skin, that’s not nosy at all. So give me just a moment because many of you are Asking me what I do to my skin. And I want to thank all of you for your kind compliments. Let me give you the caveat that the camera is not the same as the human eye. I’m on my computer camera. I don’t have anything fancy. I’ve got one light source here and the camera and the light do make my skin.

Is that the correct grammar? My skin looks better on camera. I’ll just put it that way. I mean, I have wrinkles. You can probably see them. And I don’t mind wrinkles per se. We all have them. That’s a natural result of living. But I do mind the splotchy skin that looks rough, feels rough and. Well, let me show you a picture of what it used to look like. Some of you saw this already. So this is just my public service announcement for those who are interested. And here it is. I’m actually shocked when I look at my skin again.

This might not show that well on screen, but I had very damaged skin and it actually made me look older than my years. If you can’t see it clearly, this is very splotchy. It’s a type of melasma, a sun damage. I have been in the sun all my life. Grew up as a competitive swimmer, surfer, lifeguard and so forth. And everything I did with the dermatologist made my skin worst. Worst is worse than worse. And what I did is I came up with my own coastal inspired skin care over the many years. It is all natural.

And if you are interested, that is over@youth serum.com. i want to thank everybody who has purchased this. The label might look a little different if you were one of the early customers, one of my founding customers. I want to thank everybody for that. We are refining the label. The handcrafted ingredients are still lovingly made. And this is what I do to my skin. It gives it just a nice glow. So I love when people ask me about my skin. I don’t particularly like it when people ask me about my age. Does that bother you when people say, how old are you? I might have inherited that from my mom.

She always said that she didn’t live her life by. She didn’t go by years. What did she say? She didn’t go by years, but she went by experiences. Something like that. Anyhow, I also have this wonderful soap that you get as a sample. They’re all different scents. So thank you so much everyone. You know, I’m. I’m over 50, I’ll put it that way and then some. I’m probably in the same category as you. But I find that kind of nosy when people will just say, well, how old are you? Especially if you’re, like, over, I don’t know, 20, maybe that’s just me.

And maybe I’m too sensitive. I say that I’m the perfect age for this stage in life. And I also say that every age has its beauty. I love the age that I am. I’ve earned these years. I’ve earned the wrinkles. And I’m glad that I was able to get rid of the splotchy, rough, uneven, blemished skin. After getting rid of all of the drugstore, you know, formulations and even the department store formulations, I formulated my own. It’s all organic, and I hope you’ll check it out. Let’s talk about those nosy questions that just are like, they give me anxiety and they catch you.

They catch me off guard. So I’ve got these strategies for you. You can write them down or just get on my free substack, livingswell.substack.com. that’s pretty funny. Dot Hall. That’s my last name. I guess I’m getting anxious thinking about these questions that people ask. So I’ve got all of this written down for you. That’s what I’m referring to here with my notes. The number one tip I would give, and I’ve learned to do this pretty well, is to be diplomatic, and that is to just buy some time. So when people ask you a question like, are you feeling all right? Or, gee, that renovation, how much did that cost? Just like, you’re.

You’re just caught off guard, or what’s your car payment like these. These days? I mean, maybe you don’t mind asking those questions. Let me know if I’m just too sensitive. So often I don’t. I’ve learned to just not blurt out and I’ll say, oh, that’s a really interesting question. Right? That’s sort of neutral. It’s not rude. And it almost gives them a moment to, like, maybe rethink the question they asked. Because I have some dear friends. Well, let me just say there are people that I know who might not even realize that what they’re asking is just a little bit out of bounds, in my opinion.

So another one would be, depending on the question, you could say, ah, let me, Let me think about that. Right? So we’ve got. Oh, that’s interesting. Let me think about that. Some people just will come out and say, I don’t really know. That’s fine. That’s neutral. If you wanted to get a little stronger and start to sort of educate the person on the boundaries, you could say, you know, I’m not. Not sure I really want to get into that. And you say it with a smile and you say it pleasantly. Questions that start to get a little more personal, like, why don’t you have any grandchildren? You say, well, you know, that’s a big question that deserves a little more time.

So you’re sort of deflecting the question. So those are a few. Again, I’m going to give you a whole, like, I’ve got a whole laundry list that I came up with that I’ll give you at the very end. But these are sort of the strategies. So you deflect you. You buy yourself a little time. You don’t say, that’s rude or why are you asking that? Although you could say that. So sometimes it’s not really the topic. It’s kind of that, that the person, you’re getting a sense that they believe they’re entitled to that. So if somebody’s asking, like, I got a lot of questions when I moved to Florida, how could you have left California? Why did you abandon us? Like, well, first of all, I don’t really know you.

I’m glad you feel that close to me. So a little stronger is like, why do you ask? Because you don’t. Like, you kind of might want to say, what business of it is yours? Did I say that correctly? What business is it of yours to ask that question? That’s what you might want to be saying. You could soften it a little bit and say, well, that’s an interesting thing to ask. Here’s another one. What made you curious about that? And now you’re reframing the question with a question. You’re putting it on them. Now, somebody who is a little closer to you, you could say, are you asking out of concern or out of curiosity? You could also say, well, that’s something I prefer to keep private.

And I’m thinking about questions that come from people that are, like, close to us and that we don’t necessarily want to give them that information. In a moment, I’m going to take a look at some of the questions that you’ve dropped in the comments as well, and we can sort of shape that a little more specifically. So flipping around and answering a question with a question now turns it around and the spotlight is back on them. Why do you ask, oh, why are you curious about that? And you just let that hang. And that might make Them say, oh, God, I don’t even know why I asked that, or, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.

And then you can just, well, you can give a partial answer. That would be my third strategy. So instead of giving all of the disclosure, you know, an awkward silence, like, I do not know the answer, you could say. Or if someone says, well, are you getting enough sleep? Say, you know, everything’s fine. I’m. I’m doing fine. You don’t need to say, yes, I am, Or I’ve had many sleepless nights, or what business is it of yours? You can just kind of deflect it, you know, partially. Or if someone says, you know, it seems like you and the next door neighbor, are you guys having.

Is there some kind of problem you’re having? And you could say, no, everything’s fine. These are. We’re just handling things privately. So a little bit of a partial answer is polite. Again, this all depends on your personality and where you want to go. You could say, oh, no, nothing dramatic’s going on. I just rather keep it personal. So I like that phrase as well. Or if you want to be a little more forthcoming. Oh, you know, we’re figuring it out, right? Because sometimes when you’re living in a community like I am, and there are a lot of people in the community engaged in different activities, and you might be running into a person that has a different perspective on how things should be done, you could be diplomatic by saying things like, oh, yeah, we’re working on that.

We’re figuring it out. Instead of saying, I can’t believe that they won’t take my suggestions that I spent all this time and money developing. You don’t have to say that if you don’t want to, because again, that can bleed into the land of gossip, and we don’t want that. I’ll just give you a quick tip on that. I personally never get into the conversations of he said, she said. If somebody says, oh, so and so said, you should keep that closed, I’m like, well, they can come to me and tell me that and I’ll say it friendly and politely, but it’s almost in that.

That realm as well. So you can say, you know, I’m just keeping that. Yeah, I’m keeping that personal for now. I’m keeping that part a little under wraps for now. And a rational person, as we talked about in my previous video with the tips about how to, how to get people to listen to you, if you can even do that, a rational, reasonable person will go along with this. So all of the tips I’m giving you are not intended for someone who really has zero interpersonal skills. Or maybe there are other issues at work that need professional help.

I’m talking about just everyday conversations where people tend to overstep their bounds. Now, I, as you know, I’m a little snarky sometimes. I like to lighten things up with a little humor. So using humor, I find, is quite effective in these ways. So somebody diving right in, you know, you might say, oh, so no, no more small talk. Right to the heart of the matter, huh? Oh, you’re. You’re diving right in, aren’t you? And then there’s another strategy where you can kind of deflect and you begin another conversation, you know, that I leave for the premium level members only, just out of, you know, people that know I’m on YouTube.

Oh, that’s. Those are for my. I only talk about that in my private webinars. You see, I’m using a little bit of humor to subtly let the person know that they’re just overstepping their reach there. So, again, that’s friendly. And if they persist, I’ll tell you in a moment how we can get a little more firm. In fact, it reminds me of the religious waivers that my husband and I have helped people with at their jobs where they wanted to keep the job without getting the jab. And we always start out very polite, very cordial, very matter of fact, very friendly, very positive.

Just kind of matter of fact, oh, here’s my paperwork, and you just let it go. But if the other party starts to elevate and sort of get stronger and more forceful, then you can reply in kind. But if someone didn’t realize that asking you how much your car payment is or how much your remodel cost, they might not realize, I’m going to tell you, stick with me, because in a moment I’m going to say, why those people? Why? I think those people ask those questions without any sort of filters, but maybe they don’t really realize it.

So you’re gently educating them by using a little humor like, oh, I keep that for the vault. You know, maybe after I get to know you better, we’ll talk about that. And then it’s friendly and you have a couple of laughs and the person is like, because you don’t want to embarrass them and say, what kind of question is that to ask somebody how much it costs? That’s my. What you might want to say. And maybe some of you are fine and that’s your personality. That would come off for people who know me as just not like me.

So you’re just the other thing you can do. Here’s another strategy. So let me recap a little bit. So we talked about sort of just buying some time. Like, oh, that’s interesting. Huh? Let me think about that one. You know, I’m not sure I want to get into that right now. So that’s sort of deflecting it. Then you answer a question with a question. Why do you ask? Is that really a concern you have? Or what made you curious about that? And then the third technique and strategy was to give a partial answer, like, oh, no, no, everything’s fine.

I just. We’re figuring it out. You know, I’m keeping that little private right now. And then the fourth one was to use some humor, as I did. And then this one is where we’re going to up the ante a little bit. People are pushing. They’re still asking. And you just need to set the firm boundary. I love talking about boundaries. I’ve got videos about boundaries on this channel that I hope you’ll watch. And you can just say, so maybe you’ve had some procedure and people noticed you were out of commission for a while. And they’re like, what is going on? Are you experiencing some health issues? You’re like, oh, that’s so nice of you to ask.

Actually, you could say that. That’s so nice of you to ask. I’d rather not talk about it. That’s a little firmer. Or that’s really nice of you to ask. I appreciate your concern, but I. I like to keep that private. Or you could soften it a little bit. I appreciate your concern, but I’m keeping that private for now. You see, I did a little bit of a qualifier. Friends, I’m just telling you what works for me. You might be at a completely different stage in your life where you just tell them, none of your business. Why are you so nosy? Butt out.

So that’s fine. I’m helping those who maybe haven’t found the language yet to stand up for themselves. So a stronger one might be, thank you for asking, but I’m really not discussing that. You could say, I’d rather not discuss that. I’m not discussing that. So you see, you can sort of ratchet it up a little bit. I’m really not open to talking about that. I’d rather not talk about that right now. Again, I’m going to give you this cheat sheet with all of these examples and in the substack, livingswell.substack.com It’s a free newsletter. Don’t click on anything to pay.

Just subscribe and you’ll hear from me once or twice a week with summaries of these positive encouragement videos. Now this one I really love. The next strategy is where you sort of just take the conversation in another direction and you can mix and match all of these. You could have a little laughter like, oh, that’s only something I discuss in the vault. I don’t really want to talk about that now. But anyway, how have you been? You see, I used three of those strategies and you just change the subject. Enough about me. What’s new with you? Oh, you don’t want to hear about what my stuff.

What is going on with you now? If you want, you could ask them the same question. Oh, you know what, my health is fine. How’s yours? Give them a little dose of their own medicine. I love this one. We’ll save that for another day. Hey, how is your family doing? Now, I use that sometimes in my broadcast when I start to go off on a tangent like I did earlier when I talked about gossip and boundaries and so forth. It’s all sort of related here, but just, you know, often I’ll say, that’s a video for another day.

That’s a topic for another day. It’s lighthearted, it’s friendly. Ideally, you’re getting the message out that this isn’t something you want to talk about and a rational, reasonable person is going to pick up on that. Now, not everyone is rational and reasonable. I’m going to share that with you in just a moment. I have a couple more strategies. Let me know which ones you’ve used or which ones you like so far. So sometimes we need to match the response to the relationship. I think back in time. People that you know, extended family members perhaps, or people that you’ve known for a long time, they just maybe feel like they are entitled to know more about what’s going on.

And you know, again, for the casual acquaintance, you can say, well, I’m just keeping that private for now. Thanks for asking. How about you and you switch it around Someone who’s closer, I think being so flip, I don’t know, flippant’s the word. Not being so frivolous or light hearted or dismissive is to say, I really appreciate your concern, but I’m not ready to talk about it. I. I’m really glad you care. I’m just not ready to talk about that yet. You See how that is? Friendly, polite. You’ve acknowledged that they want to know how things are.

And you can say, thank you for asking. I appreciate your concern. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk about it. Or let’s change the subject for now. I’ve actually said that that’s with close people. I’ve said, you know, can we just change the subject? There are things that are very sensitive. Many of us have those arenas. You know, think about loved ones who have passed on decisions that you’ve made. Maybe quitting a job or moving somewhere, or maybe there have been relationship breaks, and people just, like, want to dive into that, and really, it’s none of their business.

Some people are doing it out of care and concern. Others are just plain nosy. So think about the relationship. And again, going back to the very first, the punchline that I gave you at the beginning of the video. Just because someone asks a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it somehow. I guess we were raised to think that every question deserves an answer, even when the question is nosy. If you’re at work. And I’ll do this sometimes, you know, in my professional realm here, I like to keep the professional and the private separate. I like to separate my personal and professional life.

I’ve had people in the neighborhood that kind of want to talk about what I do, and I actually don’t want to do that. I do want to keep my professional and personal life separate and private. So what happens on YouTube stays on YouTube. How do you like them apples? All right. Somebody who just doesn’t give up, you can say, let’s change the topic. I’ve. I’ve said as much as I want to. These are polite. These are within your right to say. So let me give you the one liners that I promised. These are ones you can just keep on hand.

Again, I’ve got them. You know what? I don’t know if I’m gonna. How much I’m gonna put in the sub stack. I’m gonna have everything that I just gave you definitely is in the sub stack. But these are the one liners that you can just, like, grab one or two that you really like, kind of summarizing the previous ones. Like, somebody asks you a question about that, so why did you guys end up blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you say, why do you ask? That’s an interesting question. I’m not getting into that right now. I’m keeping that private.

Thank you for asking. But that’s personal. I don’t really want to discuss that. I’m going to pass on that topic for now if you want to get a little stronger. Wow, you’re really bold for asking. I wouldn’t feel so comfortable saying that one personally, but I know I have those in my audience that are a little more direct. I’m a little more indirect, so that might feel comfortable for you. I’m going to pass on that question, but thank you very much for asking. I like something like that. So again, you could have the gentle phrases like, oh, I’d rather not get into that.

Thank you for asking. A little bit more neutral, like, why do you ask? That’s curious. That’s an interesting thing to ask. Or I don’t really want to discuss that now and then. Very firm. I don’t really want to get into that. I’ve already said all I want to say. And then you change the subject. Friends, this is definitely in the realm of boundaries. And let’s now go to the question I promised you at the beginning of the video. Why are people nosy? Anyway? Let me know why you think people are nosy and let me know if you know, if you know any of the nosy people.

So first of all, I think there are narcissists. We probably all know them. These are people that simply don’t take into consideration anyone else. They just don’t. They are the center of their world, the center of their own universe. And it never dawns on them that they are being pushy or out of bounds or that it’s inappropriate. They don’t consider other people’s. Other people, other people’s emotions, other people’s actions, their thoughts, their beliefs. They just don’t consider them. And I don’t really have a lot to say. Well, I. I have a lot to say. I had a very lengthy video called how to Handle Difficult People.

So I will link that for you after I’m done with this one. I would say more people have learned to do this. It’s like a habit. Or maybe they’re anxious and they don’t really know what to say. And some people, frankly, they just kind of have a proclivity for putting their foot in their mouth. And sometimes they’ll even say, oh, my gosh, I put my foot in my mouth, or oh, God, my. I shouldn’t have asked that. I know that’s a little out of bounds. So often they just need to be gently reminded of it. There are some people kind of like the narcissist that just maybe not at the same level, but they simply are just lacking self awareness now.

Self awareness. I think developing a sense of self awareness is probably one of the most important tools you can develop. I’m not talking about self centeredness. I’m talking about aware. Being aware of what you’re saying, what you’re doing, who you’re in, interacting with all kinds of things with your awareness. What are you thinking? Why are you thinking that? What are you saying? Why are you doing that? What are you doing? What are you wearing? What are you eating? Just noticing what you’re doing in your life is huge. It probably is one of the major foundational steps to living an emotionally mature, balanced, fulfilled, healthy life.

That’s the way I look at it. So, yeah, narcissists aren’t there and I don’t know if they ever will be. But there are some people that are just lacking in self awareness. They never realize that it was important to kind of know about themselves and what they’re doing. And then there are those that are just socially awkward. And again, I would defer on using humor, changing the topic, and not being rude back to them if they’re just awkward. Okay, so you, and only you, understand the relationship you have with the person who is being nosy. But some people think that if they’re curious, it gives them the right to ask a question.

Well, just being curious, they’ll say it’s like, well, yeah, right. Or maybe they really believe if they’re thinking about it, then they are entitled to an answer. Or just because they want to know it doesn’t mean they have a right to know it. I think what happens is people have learned this. They grew up around weak boundaries. I admitted earlier on in the video I did not have boundaries for most of my life. I’d say about the last 10 years, maybe a little longer decade or so, I learned about boundaries and it was life changing for me.

And it’s not about being rude, it’s actually about being kind because you’re letting people know where you stand. It’s almost, you know, like having. Well, it’s exactly that. It’s letting people know where you stand. It’s not about being brusque or abrasive. So people who grew up without boundaries never learned that there are things that just shouldn’t be asked. I think there are some people, again, the narcissist, they know it’s inappropriate and they’re doing it anyway. They want to upset the apple cart, as the saying goes. And that’s where you can be a little firmer. Like, why are you asking me that? I might even say it that way if someone’s getting a little too nosy.

So people grew up in families where everything was on the table. Relationships, finances, jobs. Just nothing was out of bounds. Now, another reason why I think people ask is they say they’re just awkward. Maybe they’re uncomfortable with silence and they’re just trying to make small talk and they’re just inept when it comes to that. And so again, cut them a little slack, offer another topic to talk about. And I know there are people that are just plain rude. Like that co worker I had. Did you get enough sleep? You look really tired. It’s like, that is passive aggressive.

It’s aggressive aggressive. When it comes right down to it, why would you say that to somebody? That. That’s bizarre to me and, you know, so you can get stronger and stronger with your responses. There are sometimes there are people that, if they’re asking questions like, why aren’t you married? Or why don’t you have grandchildren? Maybe, like, it’s a reflection of them. Like, maybe people have asked them those questions and they feel like, okay, it’s fair ground to have those questions asked. Maybe they, they think those are questions that are supposed to be asked. It’s strange, but I’m just trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.

What I really don’t care for is people fishing for gossip, something information, some information that they can take later and share it, maybe use it against you. And I think you can smell that coming a mile away. Stay tuned. Next week we’ll talk about my strategies for dealing people who gossip. And maybe, just maybe, a gentle reminder for those of you that accidentally fall into that, as I say, it’s contagious. It’s easy when you’re sitting around the table and, you know, people are getting a little friendly and so forth, and they start talking about someone who’s not there.

What’s my first clue is I don’t talk about a person who’s not there except for all these nosy people. I’m talking about them. But you don’t know who they are. And hopefully they can’t be identified. So, you know, some people just want the dirt. They want the story, they want the lowdown. They want to report back to others. They also, strangely, are kind of checking like. Like, is she better than I am? Is she doing better than I am? Is her car payment more than mine? How can she afford that? It’s like, oh, that’s tiresome, isn’t it? Or giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe some people are just trying to convince, confirm their own choices. So maybe someone is divorced and they’re talking to a person who was recently divorced, and they say, so why did you guys break up? Like, oh, I mean, this isn’t my situation, But I can imagine this happening, and the person’s caught off guard. It’s like, I don’t really want to talk about that. But it might be because the person who was divorced is seeking confirmation or reassurance. But there would be ways to ask those questions, like, you might not want to talk about this. I realize if it’s sensitive, but, you know, I got divorced, and I was just wondering, like, how.

How are things going with you? You see, that’s a much softer, gentler kinder way than saying, why’d you get divorced? And I know those in my audience understand the difference. Some people, I think, ask these questions because they value honesty, and they don’t realize that sometimes being too direct is being nosy. They might say, well, I’m just. I’m just being honest. I just want to know, like, boundaries, boundaries. You know, people who just tell it like it is. It’s like, well, maybe that’s in their nature, but that’s not. That’s not always the way to go. So these people haven’t learned the art of tactfulness, which is what I hope I’m imparting on this show here.

The other thing is, I think people have different levels of sensitivity, and people that are more direct and a little bit, you know, can roll with the punches a little more rough and tumble, they can handle these questions. They’re not going to be. It’s not sensitive for them. So if somebody asks, so why did that relationship break up? And the person who was receiving that question, it’s like, oh, my gosh, that’s triggering fears of abandonment, of loneliness, of insecurity. I’m not good enough. The person asking the question doesn’t realize that they’re getting to those deeper levels of sensitivity.

They might just be curious, like, oh, did you want to? You know. You know, people that are asking other personal questions might not realize how deep that goes. Again, I’m just cutting them some slack. But nosy people don’t often consider what those questions are actually touching. Right? The emotions and the sensitivities. And then, as I say, some people are just downright narcissists, and they feel entitled to know. And maybe you have people like that in your life. Maybe they’re your family members, and they feel like just because they’re your parent or they’re your child or a sibling or an uncle or a grandparent or an in law or an outlaw, that they have a right to know everything about your life and they don’t.

Finally, I think that many people are asking these questions because, well, let me put it this way. I think people that rub up against a boundary, like I have healthy boundaries, I call them compassionate boundaries. When people run up against them instead of recognizing, hey, good for you, right to the person. I’m glad you. I’m glad I know where I stand with you. I’m glad you know where, where, where the boundaries are. They take it as rejection. And I know people like that that felt rejected when I let them know that this is the time I have available.

These are the days, this is the hour, these are the projects. Because I used to be the person that did everything. You probably might have those traits as well. And once I started to set boundaries, it really upset the apple cart. And they didn’t realize that I wasn’t rejecting them. I was just rejecting the loose and the lack of boundaries that I had. Remember, you cannot force behavior from someone else, but you can let them know what your behavior will be with your boundaries. So that’s what I have. Friends. Let me know what you think. These are my, this kind of my life experience and what I’ve generated over time.

So the big takeaway here is that being private about your private life is not being rude. In fact, if we want to talk about entitlement, you’re entitled to your privacy. You’re entitled to keep these things personal. When they’re personal, the other person is not entitled to know everything about you. Even if it’s a close relationship. Having boundaries, as I say, it’s not being secretive, it’s not rejecting people. It’s being balanced. It’s actually being fair and it’s being, I think it’s being considerate by letting people know where you stand and what you’re willing to do and where those boundaries are.

So that’s what I have for you, friends. I’m so grateful to have you on board. Thank you everybody who’s a part of this positive encouragement community. As I say, I’m just kind of leading the discussion, but I want you to add your input as well. Jill says, that tone, it is everything. I agree with that, Jill, and thank you for being on board here because if someone says, how, how is your health these days? You know, you, you could. I don’t know if that’s a good example, but you might be able to read into that that they are being caring and, and concerning.

But if people say, oh, another, another new pair of shoes, how much do those cost? You’re like, like, what business have yours? Gee, I sound like I have all these friends that are nosy. I’m just giving you a compilation of many years of interaction with people. And I just thought this was the perfect counterpart for the topic that we had last a couple weeks ago, which was how are you even having conversations with people who don’t want to hear what you have to say? It’s the complete opposite. They don’t want to hear anything. They’re never asking you questions.

Then you have the complete opposite where people are asking it in the exact opposite. M. Maurer, great to have you on board, says Peggy. You explain it in such good fun humor. Well, that is a characteristic that I have and I’m, I’m grateful that God blessed me with a sense of humor, a little bit of snarkiness. I know sometimes I flip my lid, but I think seeing the humor in things can really let some of the steam out of the pot. And I know I, I actually, I think it was two years ago I made a concerted effort to get back to my light hearted nature.

I realized that all the work that I’ve done over the last several years, helping people, I call it, keep their head above the waves in the stormy seas of life, it was taking a toll on me. And I was, I’m not a professional therapist or anything by any means. I have gone through training for what’s called spiritual lay counseling, which is basically being a, a listening ear, a shoulder for somebody to, you know, not really cry on, but you know, a shoulder to help people when they’re going through tough times. This is just a caring friend, one to another.

And I realized I was taking on a lot of people’s heaviness and I wanted to specifically and intentionally bring back some of the humor and light heartedness. And then Mauer also says, I don’t care for the gossip. It is so easy to get pulled into that. Let me give you one quick tip right off the bat because I, I know I like to get right to the punchline. If I’m somewhere at a gathering, people start gossiping, I actually get up and I leave. That’s the first thing that I do. And I just hope my body language and my leaving sends a message like I’m not participating.

If I come back and they’re still talking, I might say things like, well, again, I’m thinking right off the cuff here. But I might say things like I might not say anything at all. I might still leave. Let me get pull my thoughts together for next week on this video. I’ve done a video about gossip. I’ve done a few videos on gossip before and sometimes I will just say to people I don’t like to talk about people when they’re not here. And I’ll just say it that way. I don’t want to put people on the spot unless it is really necessary because as I say, this is a contagious disease where people just start gossiping and they don’t might not even realize they’re doing it.

But yeah, I really don’t care for the he said she said, which is like the third party. That’s not even really gossip, but it’s hearsay. I don’t like that at all. So thank you everybody for being here. Rebecca said she recently tried a new face soap. Not mine, I hope, and ended up looking like raggedy and with two big red, perfectly placed red spots. Oh my gosh. Now, I don’t always wash my face with soap. In fact, I can use a little bit of my youth serum and it can be a cleansing oil. I put it on, I wipe it off with a tissue and then I reapply it.

That helps me get my makeup off. Yes, I do have a little makeup on. If I’m trying to get my eye makeup off, I will use the soap. Or if I have. Well, we’ll talk about sunscreen in an upcoming video on Wellness Wednesday. Not next week, but in a couple of weeks. So the soap that I have is very, very gentle. If you feel that it is drying, don’t use it on your face. It’s perfect for the body. But a lot of people do use it on the face. Tracy says a really hard one is when a family member points out something you order you already know you are dealing with.

For example, that rash looks terrible. People have no tact, you know. And then you can use a little humor, like you should have seen what it looked like yesterday. Or would you like to see this part? You start, you know, lifting your blouse or something, you know, in a pretend manner or gee, thanks for pointing that out. What else would you like to say? It depends on who you’re talking with. So keep telling me your suggestions because I want to add these to the sub stack and I love adding your comments to the sub stack as well.

Let’s see. It’s so great. Okay. Rebecca says my neighbor that has no Kids sure has a lot to say about mine. Lol. Oh my gosh. That is too darn funny. Okay Biggie, great to have you on board. Love my living. Swell community here. Friends says a narcissist will ask questions for you to answer so they can interject and dominate their one sided conversation with belittling others, empowering themselves, turning it around them or turning it into a debate. Sounds like you’ve had experience with narcissists. I sure have as well. It’s so great to have you here. Vivax says I always wanted my personal and work lives separate.

You know, it’s shocking because some cultures, I think the American culture is by and large more open, friendlier. You know, you go to work, people have pictures of their family on their desk. They talk about what they did with their kids, where they’re going on vacation and so forth. You know, I lived in France for a short period of time and you do not talk about your private life at work. You could work with people you don’t even know if they’re married. Now some of that, you know, there’s a little bit of an ebb and flow but overall it’s just a more polite and structured culture.

That’s been my experience and probably other cultures, you know, Japanese culture comes to mind in others. You just don’t talk about that stuff at work. Work is work and after work. I know because I did have some Japanese clients. Oh yeah, they like to cut loose after work, but work is work. Yes. Biggie also says that people that are asking, nosy people are just emotionally mature, they immature, they don’t see the clues and the cues. That’s really what I strive to do on this channel is to just increase awareness. I love talking about these things. I love getting your feedback as well.

Lots of good comments. Oh my gosh, gossiping. Oh, Vivac says gossiping often leads to scapegoating. Tell me more about that. I think, right, you start gossiping about someone, they’re not there to defend themselves. Before you know it, the blame is pinned on them. I really like what Tiara says. I love all these comments. I’m going to end on this one. Tiara says, I like the, you know, minding your business, your own business is free. Okay, that’s, that’s a little on the snarky side and I like it. Okay, thank you everybody. I really appreciate you being on board.

Thank you. Valerie here and Rhonda. We’ve got our moderators, friends. They come here out of the goodness of their heart and they’ve been on board with me from the very beginning. Big round of applause for the moderators and for all of you in our positive encouragement community. As you know, as I end out the week, I’d like to give some practical tips for everyday living. We leave the headlines behind, we talk about what’s happening in our lives. Because as much as I am concerned about what’s going on, because, you know, I am. But at the root of it, it’s when we get down into our world that is face to face and our neighbors and in our community, let’s really take care of that, and then we’ll have the wherewithal to the little extra time that we can carve out to solve all of the ills of the world.

Who’s with me? Thank you, everybody.
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See more of The Healthy American Peggy Hall on their Public Channel and the MPN The Healthy American Peggy Hall channel.