➡ The speaker discusses the frustration of trying to share opinions and advice with people who don’t want to listen. They offer tips on how to effectively communicate with these individuals, emphasizing the importance of considering whether the topic directly impacts the listener’s life. The speaker also suggests that resistance to new ideas may stem from past hurts, not necessarily the content of the conversation. They encourage understanding and patience when communicating, to avoid triggering negative emotions.
➡ The article suggests a method to effectively communicate your opinions to others. First, set a time limit for the conversation to avoid it dragging on. Then, listen without interrupting, showing interest and understanding. Finally, repeat back what they said to confirm your understanding, before sharing your own views. This approach encourages open, respectful dialogue and increases the likelihood of your opinions being heard.
➡ The text emphasizes the importance of effective communication in maintaining relationships. It suggests a strategy of listening to the other person’s viewpoint first, then asking for their permission to share your own. This approach encourages a respectful exchange of ideas, rather than a combative argument. The text also recommends having these discussions in a neutral setting, like during a walk, to reduce tension and promote understanding.
➡ It’s important to maintain relationships even when you disagree on certain topics. You don’t have to agree on everything to have a loving relationship. It’s about knowing when to stand your ground and when to let things go. Remember to protect your peace and joy, especially when the issues don’t directly affect your daily life.

Hey, friends, what about those people who just don’t want to hear what you have to say? Isn’t that frustrating? Now I’m in the talking business, so to speak. I love to give advice, I love to give my opinion. I’d love to give my analysis, my commentary, my snark. And that’s probably part of the reason why you tune in, because you want to hear from a trusted friend who can just tell it like it is. But how many of you know someone, I’m just going to call them so and so. How many of you have a so and so who doesn’t really want to hear what you have to say? I mean, it can be really frustrating.

And I know that I can take it personally sometimes. So in this broadcast, I want to share with you why it’s not really your fault. I want to give you a handful of tips that I have refined over the years. Kind of my tried and true little tips. And oh, I did want to mention this lovely bracelet that I got from a friend. And I normally don’t wear bracelets when I’m broadcasting, but I just thought this was so pretty. So want to thank her. And I want to thank all of you that have been leaving me comments, especially about the youth serum.

I appreciate that everyone that’s been ordering, but you all get it and we can share our conversations, we can share our point of view, even if we don’t share the same exact point of view. That’s what I love about my audience. You are a part of this positive encouragement community. So I know firsthand how frustrating it is when you have these perspectives and ideas and actually solutions and strategies and resources and remedies and tips and techniques that you want to share with people and they don’t want to hear what you have to say. So I want to give you these few techniques with an extra special bonus at the end that changes everything when it comes to having conversations with your so and so, that might be your spouse, it might be a child, it might be an adult child, it might be your parents, it could be a sibling, it could be a neighbor, it could be a co worker, it could be just anyone in the community.

It could be people that you don’t know that well just kind of, you know, run into them or you’re at a social event. And I just want to help you avoid the frustration and I want to help you get your point across. So let me know in a comment right now what comes to mind. You think about that so and so and you feel that there’s resistance. There’s reluctance, there’s pushing back. And also let me know how this makes you feel. I’ll tell you that it makes me feel frustrated, on edge, agitated, irritated. And sometimes I feel like, well, fine, then I’m not even going to talk to you about it.

We have and when I say we, my husband and I over the years have counseled many individuals that were having extreme difficulty. I would say, oh, since about 2020, the hogwash, as I call it, was sloshed all over us and it divided families. And just think back to 2020 and I know I don’t want to bring you any PTSD from those years. Hopefully that’s all in the rearview mirror. People suffered devastating losses and people came to understand certain things about health, about freedom, about our government, about politicians, about regulatory agencies and other things going on. And they wanted to have heart to conversations with their loved ones, with their so and so’s and my husband and I would counsel parents that were struggling with their adult children who were about to go into college and their children wanted to make choices regarding their health that didn’t sit well with the parents and there was a lot of strife going back and forth.

We also heard from countless number of married individuals no longer married because their marriages broke up because of these very different points of view. What my husband and I did. This is before we even get into all of the tips. One overarching point of view that I want to give you that can really help is consider whether or not this conversation you’re trying to have, the information that you’re trying to share, whether or not it has a direct impact on your lives. So if you are talking about finances or whether or not to go on vacation, or maybe there are some repairs that need to happen at home, or maybe it is about an adult child and choices they’re making, things that affect you directly.

By all means, I want you to employ these tactics, these conversation tactics that I’m going to share with you. But when it comes to current events, wars in far flung places, politicians that are bloviating and making laws and regulations that are illegal that you don’t want to follow, is that really going to have a direct impact on your life today? It might. Chances are the topics I just mentioned are not going to have a direct impact on your finances, on whether or not you move on all of these things that make up your daily life. You probably know where I’m going with this.

In that case, those conversations, in my opinion, should take a back seat. I have plenty of controversial Opinions, Yes. Some would say that I’m a skeptic. Maybe I’m cynical. Maybe I am a little too focused on details when it comes to current events and things in the media. And some people just don’t want to go that deep on the journey. So you know what? I don’t take them on the journey. They’re not interested. I have family members, I have extended family members. I have close family members. They don’t even watch my videos. They don’t even really know what I do.

And you know what? That’s fine. I have friends in the community that don’t even know that I’m on YouTube. And I keep it that way because it has nothing to do with our personal, personal relationships. So that is absolutely a okay by me. I figure if people want to learn about certain topics, they can research just like I did. They can roll up their sleeves and dive in and dig in and find out for themselves. Now, if they ask my opinion and they introduce the conversation, then we’re on another footing, and that’s what we’re going to talk about here.

I have a couple of things that are going to change your way of getting your points across. So I, I also want to preface it with this. You know, you’re. You are thinking, hey, I’m trying to say something lovingly, carefully, kindly. I’m actually trying to educate a person. I’m trying to save their lives with some of my information. I’m trying to help them see the reality and truth of our world. I get it 100%. I did a video on this channel called what to do when you’re frustrated, irritated and agitated. So I’ll have that queued up for you after we finish this live broadcast.

And you can follow the conversation there if you want more. But you know what happens? Your so and so probably gets defensive, shuts down, doesn’t want to hear it, leaves the room, says, I don’t want to talk about it. Or maybe they humor you. They pretend that they’re listening. Or worst of all, you know how I say it? Worst is worse than worse. Worst of all, they ridicule you. They mock you. Maybe not mocking is too strong of a word, but they poke fun at what you’re trying to say and they don’t take you seriously. I think that’s really underhanded.

And hopefully your so and so is not acting that way. But think about it. They’re shutting down. Not really because of what you’re saying, but likely they’re dealing with old hurts, with situations long before Maybe you were even in the picture of conversations or confrontations, maybe with a boss or a co worker or a parent or who knows who. And it’s kind of reopening this can of worms. So always keep that in mind that it’s not you, it’s them, as the saying goes. It doesn’t mean that whatever you’re saying that you’re wrong or you’re saying it wrong, they’re just not ready to receive it.

And we have to understand that. So let’s dig in now to the exact specifics, because we don’t want to be that person that triggers the fear, the shame, the remorse, the, you know, people have to change their point of view. When people have to change their point of view, it tells. They believe. It tells themselves that they weren’t smart enough. And it’s like, no, I. I know what’s going on. They don’t want to admit that they had the wool pulled over their eyes. So I get that. I really do. And that’s where this simple framework is going to come in place.

Okay, are you ready? I made a couple notes here because I was actually recording this broadcast previously on my phone so I could kind of do a dress rehearsal and get all of my points down. So I know that many of you have tried to speak to your loved ones, your so and so about, let’s just say health issues or political issues, lifestyle concerns, and they don’t want to hear what you have to say. I’m going to share something with you that will make it much more likely that they’re going to want to hear about it.

So would you like to hear what I have to say about it? Oh, bingo. That’s one of the tips right there, is you actually ask the person if they want to hear your point of view. But I’m getting ahead of myself. But the fact is, there’s no sense in offering your opinion if no one wants to hear it. Think about the Bible teaching, don’t cast your pearls before swine. I’m not saying you’re so and so is a swine, not saying that at all. But I am saying don’t waste your breath is another way that we have it.

And I know you’re probably like me. You’re full of ideas and facts and evidence and proof and persuasion, and you want to share it. But we have to make sure that they open the door for us to give our opinions. So let me walk you through this step by step, friends. You don’t have to take notes if you don’t Want to? I have a free sub stack. What is a sub stack? It’s like a blog. It’s a website and you go to Living Swell, like the ocean swell, livingswell.substack.com it’s absolutely free. It’ll say welcome to Living Swell.

You put in your email address. Don’t click on any paid buttons. If you don’t want to pay, it’s free. And then twice a week you’ll hear from me after I do my broadcast on Wellness Wednesdays and Feel Good Fridays, which is where we are today, talking about emotional well being. And you’ll get a summary of what I talk about. So you just sign up for that. It’s like a newsletter and if you don’t want it, you can unsubscribe. But it’s a way that we can stay in touch and it’s a way that you can get my teachings in a written format.

So the first, the, the first aspect of this practice is you put a time limit on the conversation. So it, it goes like this. You say to your so and so, or maybe they even bring it up. Maybe you’re having a conversation and they introduce this topic or they say, hey, did you see what was on the news today? And you’re like, ah, this is my chance that I can tell them my point of view. But let’s say there’s something on your mind and you really want to hear the point of view from your so and so.

So I recommend first of all putting it, framing it in a time limit. For example, hey, sweetheart or darling daughter or friendly neighbor. I was wondering, could you what what you think about xyz? Could you tell me like in a minute or two, your point of view on this? Did you see what I did? Could you explain to me in a minute or two the reason why this is so powerful? Oh, and by the way, the other day I had a little task I wanted hubby to help me on and I said, sweetheart, do you have 10 minutes to help me with this? I was actually assembling the boxes to ship out the youth serum and it’s like I needed his help.

And instead of saying, can you help me put these together? He’s probably thinking without realizing it, how long is this going to take? I’m in the middle of doing something else. So put a time frame. I’d like to know your point of view. If you could just summarize that for me, like in a minute or two. The reason this works is because immediately the person doesn’t think, oh my Gosh, here we go again. This is going to be one of those conversations that drags on forever. It’s so boring. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to hear it.

I got other things to do. This is gold in any conversation with your boss, with. Maybe you’re dealing with some, I don’t know, customer service, or you’re trying to track something down, or you’ve got a CPA you’re asking questions of. You say, I just need a minute of your time. Most people have a minute when you frame it in the time frame. I know I’m really emphasizing this a lot, but a lot of people will skip over this. So here’s step number two. You listen without interrupting. You don’t give a comment. You don’t give your opinion.

All you do is you say, huh, I see. Okay, go on. What else? Tell me more. Those are the words. That’s it. I see, huh. And it’s important that you say that so they know that you are listening. And friends listen. It is your superpower when you listen to what the person has to say. You might assume you already know their perspective. Now, here’s why this is so brilliant. Number one, they have to formulate their point of view. They’re not just arguing with your point of view. It’s easy to argue when somebody says something and they can punch it down.

Don’t give them that opportunity. Make them come up with their ideas, recommendations, the way that they have verified their point of view or how their opinion was shaped, let them come up with it. You’re going to sit and you’re going to relax, and you actually are going to listen. You’re not on the phone. You’re not playing with your pets. You’re not doing something else. Although, stick with me, because I have the bonus tip you should be doing. When you’re having these conversations and it’s not in the car and it’s not over the dinner table, it’s not face to face.

There’s something I have far better. But you’re listening. You’re listening with interest, with a pleasant expression on your face. You’re not doing this. Yeah, that’s just body language is going to shut it down. So you’re open, you’re relaxed. You have a curious. I call it cheerful curiosity. Everybody, show me your expression right now. Cheerful curiosity. Can I see, everybody? You got it. That looks like it. Exactly. So you’re like, oh, okay, what else I see, huh? All the while, you’re not letting it drag on so once you feel like it’s about a minute or two, you can say, oh, you know what? That.

That was about a minute or two. I think I know what you’re saying. So the next step is this. You repeat back what they said. You don’t even need to embellish it. You say something along the lines of, so what I gather, what I hear you saying is that you believe X, Y, Z. And you repeat it and then you say, did I get that right? And they might go, no, no, I don’t think that. I think this. And you’re like, oh, okay, what else? So you check back to see if you understood. Now drop a comment and let me know why this is your superpower.

Well, I’ll just tell you. Number one, you just gathered information. You actually know what they believe now. So now you can respond in a moment. You can re. Not yet. Not yet. But when you respond, you’ll know the points to respond to. You’re not just flying blind. You’re not just throwing arrows willy nilly. You’re like, okay, he believes this. And so I have this perspective and I’m going to respond to this. So that’s super important. Number two, you actually gave the courtesy of, of listening to what the person has to say. Isn’t that what you want? Don’t you want the courtesy of someone to listen to you? That’s all you’re asking.

They don’t even need to agree with you. I know you’re smart enough to understand that. It’s not that they have to agree with you. You just want them to hear you. That’s all I want. Like, just let me have my say. But it’s easy for them to shut people like us down because we’re very passionate, we’re knowledgeable. We. We want people to see the truth and reality of the world. And so, yes, that passion comes through. But once you have given them the stage with a time limit and you’ve listened with cheerful curiosity, not, you know, pushing them away with your body language, and then you’ve actually reflected back to them.

So I’m summarizing these steps and then they’re like, yeah, okay, they kind of see my point of view. Reflecting back and understanding their point of view doesn’t mean that you agree with their point of view. It just means that you understand what they said. This is what people are seeking, understanding. Yes. They want validation and agreement and approval and appreciation, all those things. But the first step is like, did you even hear what I had to say? You’re telling Them that. So here’s where the kind of secret sauce comes in. Now that they’ve had their say without being interrupted, and now that you’ve actually shown that you know what they’re saying, they can relax and listen to you, it’s not combative.

I mean, I feel like this is probably one of my most important teachings of my entire life because everything is based on communication and interpersonal relationships. And it pains me when I hear that people have broken relationships and I’ve had several and I know how painful that is. Well, in some cases it’s freeing because the relationship was completed, there was nothing more there to have. But with the ongoing relationships with your so and so, you want it to be, I think, cordial and not combative. So this is what’s so beautiful is the very next step. They’ve been heard.

They. You gave them the courtesy of listening and now this. You may want to frame it in your own language, but I wrote down a couple of phrases because I. You’ve asked for their opinion, you’ve given them the courtesy of listening, and then you say, now’s your time to ask for permission. And you could say, well, I really appreciated hearing your point of view. You see, use that word, appreciation. I really appreciate hearing your point of view. Would you like to hear my point of view in a minute or two? Could I take a minute or two and share with you my thoughts on that? Would you like to hear my thoughts? I could give to you in a minute or two.

You see, time frame, you are asking them now. I know I can already read the comments. You don’t have to ask anybody for permission to do anything. I actually happen to agree with you on that point of view. But this is where you’re being strategic because you are attempting to express yourself and to get the other person to hear you. So by saying you’re. You’re actually. Maybe asking for permission is too strong of a phrase. I could rephrase that. You’re finding out if they want to hear from you, that’s a more accurate way of saying it.

And you just say, would you like to hear my point of view? I can summarize it in a minute or two, just like you did for me. Throw that in. Throw that point in. Just like I listen to you, I’m telling you, if you have a reasonable so and so, a rational level headed so and so there they will say, yeah, fire away. What have you got? What’s your. What do you think about it now? If we’re dealing with irrational people or Maybe, sadly, those that truly have a mental illness or some problems, this may not work as intended.

So I want to acknowledge that I’m talking about just everyday responsible people that are reasonable and you’re just nudging them a little bit. And you also say, great, I would love if you could just listen like I listened to you and then maybe reflect back what I said to make sure that I got it out clearly. Now that might be a lot to ask. I understand that might be a lot to ask of someone, but that’s the full picture. And friends, you keep it to a minute or two. Do not go on the diatribe and the rants and the righteous anger and don’t flip your lid.

You’re going to be thoughtful and yes, energetic, enthusiastic and persuasive and all those things. And you’re not going to belittle what they had to say. You’re going to give your point of view. Isn’t that just what you want is for somebody to hear what you have to say? So you’ve asked them, would you like to hear what I have to say? Now an honest person is going to say, you know, no, I don’t really want to hear it. If they don’t want to hear it, that’s what they’re going to say. But most people are polite. I know I’m kind of yelling, I get excited about this.

Most people are polite and they’re going to say, yeah, okay, okay, but just keep it to a minute. They might say something like that, but you can see now it’s a give and take. You have not co opted the conversation. You’ve not bulldozed them into a corner. Nobody likes that. I don’t like that. I like to have a give and take. So you’ve listened thoughtfully and now you’re going to have your point of view. They might not be as present as you are and they might start interrupting and you can say, oh, let me just finish my minute or two here.

You see, you have to guide them. You have to train them on this conversation style. So you limit your comments to about a minute or two. Use your, your strongest, most persuasive points without needing them to agree with you. You cannot make anyone agree with you. Trust me, I’ve been on YouTube for several years and I find myself very persuasive and knowledgeable on certain topics. And there are people that just have a different point of view, so be it. I can’t control that. All I can control is what I want to say and that’s what we’re faced with here, you want to have your point of view shared.

So ideally you’ve said, would you like to hear my point of view? I can summarize it also in a minute or two, like you did. And then they can say, yeah, fine, yeah, go ahead and tell me. And you can say, well, it would be great if you could listen and then reflect back so I can make sure I got my points across clearly. Would that be all right? You see, you’re bringing them in. They’re a part of it. You’re not just pouring out your conversation. And this is so valuable. People’s lives have changed with this.

Okay, promised you the bonus tip and this is it. When you’re having these conversations, if at all possible, I know it’s not always the ideal, I would recommend that you are having these conversations on neutral ground. You’re not sitting over the dinner table where it’s face to face. You’re certainly not in the car where there’s distractions and nobody can really listen that carefully. It’s not safe. And I recommend you do this on a walk outside or in a neutral place, like maybe, maybe at a coffee shop where you’re sitting side by side, you’re on even ground.

It’s not, it’s not this aggressive face to face. And I like a short walk, like walk for a couple of minutes while they’re telling you their point of view and you reflect. Then you turn around and you walk back while you’re giving your point of view and they reflect. And then you can say, that’s great. Thanks for sharing. You let it go, you move on. And again, these are sort of for the topics that are a little more heated and they’re. This technique is equally good for the other daily conversations. If you are talking about life events like moving, changing jobs, something to do with finances, your health, your family.

If you’re going to paint the room or whatever, just get on neutral ground. Walking is great because you automatically are getting rid of any anxiety or frustration. You know, with the physical movement. You’ve got oxygen flowing and it is just a perfect scenario for these kinds of conversations. So this is what I have friends I want to hear from you. I don’t have all the answers on this channel. I lead our positive encouragement community, but you are a vibrant part of it. And I always read every comment and I want to thank everyone who has been leaving comments either when these are airing, when you can leave it in the live chat, or afterwards.

Your perspective and your beliefs are what matter at the end of the day, we never truly know what somebody believes. Even if they tell us something inside, they might have a different point of view that they don’t know how to convey or that maybe they are concerned that you’re going to reject them or something. So, you know, that’s just how I do it. And I would love to hear about that. And let me hear if you have a specific concern that I can address. And remember, on Fridays, I’m going to be focusing on Feel Good Fridays, all of these ideas and inspiration for just our everyday living so that things are smoother, easier, and we kind of leave all the politics and headlines behind.

And then on Wednesdays, I’m going to be broadcasting on this channel. I was here on Wednesday talking about the worst thing that I did to my skin, the biggest mistake, and how I fixed it. And I’ve got that for you if you’re interested. So every Wednesday will be more about wellness, like health tips and natural beauty and, you know, sleep strategies and everything to do with just sort of our, our physical being. And then Friday is more sort of the emotional and, you know, that kind of thing. So thank you, everybody for being on board. So just remember, I would say these are the takeaways.

Just because somebody doesn’t agree with you, it doesn’t mean that your position is wrong. It doesn’t mean that they are rejecting you. They are just rejecting this requirement that they see that they have to change who they are or they have to change their opinion. That’s scary for some people. They may not have the emotional maturity to admit that their point of view was not accurate or realistic or, you know, aligned with the truth. You can still have a loving, caring relationship without agreeing on every single thing. Again, there are certain. Only you can decide what are the deal breakers.

But I am not going to break a relationship up over whether or not somebody has certain views over health choices or food choices or the shape of the earth or the what’s in the skies. I, I just, I don’t want to break relationships over that. In fact, if anything, I want to encourage them and have them jump on board when the time is right. I feel like I can throw a life preserver out because one day they’re going to say, drowning over here. What was it you were telling me? I’ve had people years later come back to me and say, what was that you were telling me about? Blah, blah, blah.

And I’m like, oh, now you’re ready to hear it. So at the end of the day, we want to guard our peace. We want to guard our joy. And I’m not going to let anybody steal that, certainly when it’s about situations and issues that are not 100% impacting my daily life. And on this channel, it’s all about living swell. So living swell is about knowing when to stand your ground and when to just let it go. So let’s hear what you have to say. Friends always. Great to be here. We’ve got Valerie and Rhonda on board.

Elisa. Yes, thank you. Hit the like button on your way out and just double check that you are subscribed to the channel. Big welcome to all of the new subscribers. I appreciate you being here. I look forward to seeing in the substack. This is Friday, so if you have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to seeing you in our very next broadcast and here or here, I’ll have a couple videos for you to follow up on if you would like to continue the conversation.
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See more of The Healthy American Peggy Hall on their Public Channel and the MPN The Healthy American Peggy Hall channel.