➡ Your dreams are valid and achievable, as long as they don’t harm others. To reach your goals, consider how you need to feel and what thoughts can generate those feelings. Writing in a journal can help you explore these thoughts and feelings. Avoid negative self-talk and replace it with positive, realistic thoughts to create feelings of enthusiasm and excitement, which can motivate you to take action towards your dreams.

➡ Constantly seeking approval and affirmation from others can be a form of manipulation and can drain those around you. This behavior often stems from a lack of self-love and acceptance. The key to overcoming this is to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, and use them to build self-confidence and empowerment. This will lead to a more positive and effective way of interacting with the world.

Hey friends, it’s Peggy Hall back with you to add some positive value to your life. And I want to talk about a better way to interact with the world. A way that will leave you feeling more encouraged, more empowered, and less frustrated and irritated. You know, I am just like you and I get irritated, frustrated, and agitated when I am trying to change something or trying to change a person and nothing happens. And that’s when I have to really go back to the drawing board and remind myself that there are only really a few things that we can control in our life.

And sadly, many people, I would say, are kind of sleepwalking through life, and they’re not aware that they have power in certain areas of their life. And they’re trying to exert power in areas where they don’t have power. So let’s review this briefly. And then I also want to give you a couple of how tos. So the only areas that you really have power over in your life, number one, and that is what you think. Your thoughts are yours. Now, I know that the government wants to try to steal those thoughts and prevent those thoughts and manipulate them.

And even in some cases, they want to arrest you for thinking certain things, making it illegal to have an opinion. But the fact is that your thoughts belong to you. And I actually want to change that a little bit. I think we adopt certain thoughts that other people said about us phrases that they said that then we started to believe these may have been impressions by your family, your teachers, your co workers, your just society things that you’ve seen in movies, read in books. And you started to believe that about yourself. So you started taking on thoughts such as, oh, I’m so inept, and why can’t I get anything done.

And what happens is often those thoughts are then uttered out loud. And I’ve heard people say, it’s almost like they have a broken soundtrack. Oh, I’m so stupid. Oh, why did I do that? Oh, I’m always doing that wrong. Well, I’m not very good at this. And I want to bring you full circle in a moment about how that can become a passive aggressive exercise that actually strips even more power from you. And I do realize that some people say these things in a way to possibly get sympathy from someone else who then is going to encourage them and say, Oh, no, you’re not stupid.

Why are you saying that? You’re good at that. I can see the value of what you’re doing. And you immediately are getting people to encourage you and approve of you and applaud you because of these negative things that you were saying out loud. And these thoughts are, I mean, these expressions are thoughts that are in your mind and you’re saying them out loud. So stick with me because in a few moments I’m going to share with you how that is actually very disempowering. And I will give you a better way if you want to feel more in more control of your life.

So thoughts come into our mind. And they sometimes we feel like we’re not even choosing them, they just pop into our mind. And that may be the case. Again, there’s a soundtrack that’s been running in your mind because of what you heard. Other people say about you. And maybe it was very recent, but more importantly, more important than what people say about you is what you say about yourself. So being aware of your thoughts and being aware of your self talk, whether it’s silent or out loud is a very powerful tool. And this can improve how you interact with the world.

So number one is self awareness, just waking up and stop sleepwalking about this. You probably have heard people do this, you know, speak like this. They probably would be surprised the number of times that they are speaking ill of themselves, or the number of times that they were having thoughts, negative thoughts about themselves. When I hear people speaking ill of themselves, I think, oh my gosh, probably they’re having many more thoughts that they’re not even expressing. And that is so distressing to me because there is a better way. So being aware and controlling your thoughts, jotting them down, down, and actually choosing a different thought of your choosing that would make you feel more empowered, more confident, more organized, relaxed, competent, you can select the adjective or the feeling that you would like to create.

So thoughts influence feelings. And yes, feelings influence thoughts. They really are intricately woven. But the fact is, we do have the power in our control to choose our feelings and choose our thoughts. Now, I’m on the record to say that all emotions are valid. I have videos on this channel about letting your sorrows be sorrows, about grieving, about taking time to mourn your losses, about not allowing others to rush you through whatever it is you’re going through. So I’m not suggesting that at all. I’m actually a big fan of expressing anger appropriately, suitably, because anger is a normal, understandable, natural response to an injustice.

Now, the problem is sometimes we are feeling angry when an injustice hasn’t really happened. We’re perceiving it and there may be something that was misconstrued. And we certainly don’t want to express our anger in a way that puts anyone or any property at harm or risk. But the bigger picture is that all emotions are valid. So I’m not here to tell you that you have to be happy and upbeat and positive and cheerful all the time, not at all, because our lives are full of the calm seas and the stormy seas and the ups and downs and the joys and the sorrows.

And I believe in feeling them and expressing them and experiencing them fully, but not getting stuck in them. And I’ve done videos as well whereby you can experience joy and sorrow and even frustration and acceptance in the same moment. So the point that I’m making here is that your feelings and your thoughts are under your control. And if you want to feel sorry for yourself and you want to stay in bed and you want to complain and whatever you want to do, just know that it is a choice and that you, my friend, have the power to change it.

I have lots of videos where we do deep dives. I’m giving you a bigger picture today in that you can also control your actions. So your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, that means what you do or what you don’t do, because not doing something is also a choice and it is also an action. So if there are projects that you are not doing and you’re procrastinating on them, I also have videos to help you with this. We’re at the beginning of the year, so I wanted to give an overview and a reminder as to you have more power than you think.

Unfortunately, in our lives, it seems as though we are trying to exert that power and that control in areas where we don’t have the power. We cannot change the way another person thinks. We are not responsible for their feelings. And I know our society makes us believe that we are. Make someone happy. No, we don’t make them happy. Now, they may enjoy being with us and our ray of sunshine may influence them positively, but they have the choice and their happiness or lack of happiness. And again, happiness is not end all be all, but it is a common meme in our society.

It is up to them. So when you remember that you do not have the power or the ability to control someone else’s thoughts or their feelings or even their actions to some extent. I know if you have if you are responsible for other people, there probably are certain things you can do, like take away the car keys or what have you. But the bigger picture is that they are responsible for their thoughts, their feelings and their actions. And I think that is a very important conversation to have with your loved ones. So when we spin our wheels trying to change someone to make someone feel a certain way to make someone love you or to stop being angry at you.

These are their choices. And I do have some strategies and techniques whereby you can share your feelings and your thoughts and talk about your actions, but they are responsible for their own. Remembering that has been the key for me to stop being so frustrated and agitated and irritated in my life. Now, I wrote down a couple of notes because I want to make sure that I cover everything here. So I’m going to summarize this for you that I would like you to think about what it is. I’m going to work backwards here with the action, what it is you would like to do in your life.

Maybe what it is you would like to do today, what it is you would like to accomplish today. Maybe there are some goals and dreams that you have set, put in a box and close the lid and set it on a shelf and you’re ready to take down that box and open the lid and look inside and rediscover those dreams because your dreams are valid. Do not let anyone tell you that your dreams and desires and goals are impossible or ridiculous or laughable. You get to choose and what you decide and what you want is just as valid as what someone else wants.

And I always have the caveat as long as it’s not at someone else’s expense. If you are a parent and you have children at soccer practice and you promise that you would pick them up and that is your responsibility and obligation. You should do so, of course, cheerfully and with love. You don’t just let them hang because you decided you wanted to watch a movie and that’s what you wanted to do. That’s really not being responsible. So as long as it is not at someone else’s expense, all dreams are valid. In order to achieve that, I want you to think about next how you need to feel.

Yes, we’re going to talk about feelings. And I’m not saying that your feelings are going to guide and direct your life, not at all, but they will help you get going on your actions. So do you need to feel inspired, encouraged, energized, organized, competent, capable, curious, maybe flexible. You get to decide how you need to feel in order to take these actions that you want to take that you’ve decided you want to do. And then let’s take it a step back from there. What thoughts do you need to generate and create in your mind, in your intellectual thinking conscious mind, in order to generate these feelings of competence, clarity, confidence, maybe curiosity, feeling organized, energized.

What thoughts do you need to think in order to create those feelings? I am a huge fan of writing in a journal. When you write in a journal, you have the opportunity to try out some thoughts. These should be thoughts that are authentic, genuine, and something that you actually do believe in. Perhaps going back to previous times in your life where you did feel capable, confident, knowledgeable, organized, and you get to choose the feelings that you want to feel. Think about those times. What was going on? Can you generate a thought that will support that? So instead of saying, I am so disorganized, then that leads to the feeling of overwhelm.

And the feeling of overwhelm prevents you from getting started because you don’t know where to get started. Why? Because you’re feeling overwhelmed because you told yourself you’re so disorganized. Now, it would be not very helpful for you to say, I am so organized. That is a far stretch, and it’s probably not realistic. But if you said something along the lines of, I’m going to learn how to become more organized, I look forward to becoming more organized. I’m going to find different techniques and ways to become more organized. I look forward to learning these things. That can create feelings of enthusiasm and excitement and sort of light at the end of the tunnel.

The point in giving you this example is that you don’t need to just flip the script and give yourself a false, phony sentence and thought that isn’t realistic. You can warm your way up to it. And that can help give you a feeling of excitement and, okay, let’s do this. Let me give you a simple example. I’ve been teaching water exercise classes for many years, and I remember when it was very rainy and cold and I was driving to the pool. I had a thought which created a feeling which wanted to create an action, and the thought was, oh, it is so cold, I am going to be miserable.

Okay, so that thought, it is so cold, I’m going to be miserable, created a feeling of reluctance and actually resentment. Like, why do I have to stand outside in the rain? Why can’t the class be canceled? Why do they get to be in the pool where it’s already wet and I have to be in the rain? That thought generated feelings of reluctance, resistance, resentment, and then the resulting action would be me teaching a class where I was reluctant and resistant and resentful and maybe not putting my all into it and in the back of my mind, waiting for it to be over.

What a miserable, and that’s a feeling, what a miserable state of being that I created with my thought. Now, I have no control over the weather, so that’s a circumstance that I couldn’t change. The circumstance, the fact, the situation was cold and rainy. So I can change my thinking to saying, I am so grateful that I get paid to teach this class. This is going to be a thrilling adventure. I’m going to see how dry I can stay and be creative by standing under the lifeguard umbrella while I teach, and I’m going to be very careful about not sliding on the pool deck, and I’ll be very creative in teaching the class so that everybody has a good time.

That already has created for me feelings of, I’m going to try this, I got this, of enthusiasm, of empowerment, of kind of creativity, I’m going to find another way, and then the resulting action is, I got this. You know what? I’m not going to let this weather get me down. Now, you may say, there you go again, Peggy, the ultimate optimist, you’re far too cheerful, God just made you that way, and you know, he did, and I’m grateful that I could be a voice of positivity to help coach you in this. Your way is going to be different than mine.

Your thoughts will be generated by you in an authentic, sincere, helpful way. And those thoughts then can help create these feelings that you want that you get to choose. And this is really an experiment. So you may generate a thought that doesn’t generate that feeling, try something else, or maybe that’s not really the feeling that you need. Maybe there’s something else that will help compel you in order to take the action that you want to take. Now, let’s finish off with what I was talking about earlier, this passive aggressive way of having thoughts, maybe adapting and just using other people’s thoughts about you, or creating these negative thoughts that you not only think but that you say out loud.

Here is where you can be more empowered. I’ve experienced in life, people that have done this type of outward thinking, I’ll just put it that way, where they’re saying things that they would never say to a friend, hopefully they would never say, Oh, you’re so stupid you always do that wrong. What is wrong with you? You’re so bad at that. Like, would you say that to a friend? Hopefully you wouldn’t you wouldn’t have that friend very long. And if you did, I would be worried about that friend who wants to be punished like that. So why are you punishing yourself? Well, there are a couple of things that could be going on here.

Number one, you’re unconscious, meaning, hopefully you’re not unconscious, unconscious. What I mean is that. Number one, you are not aware, you absolutely are sleepwalking, and you simply have not developed the skill of self awareness you didn’t even realize that you were talking to yourself that way. That is a very valid option. So that may be you. And if that’s you, it’s very simple to fix. All you do is listen to what you say out loud, practice jotting down your thoughts so that you’ll be more aware of them. And again, the exercise I gave you about choosing your thoughts to generate the feelings to help you take action.

Now, another reason why people may speak these thoughts out loud is that they heard them all their life. They had people say these things to them, and they believe them. They think that they’re true. And in fact, they think that they’re so true and that may have come from an authority figure like a parent or a teacher or a boss. And because they admired that person, or at least saw them as an authority figure, they believed them. And so they thought, well, if they’re saying that about me, it must be true. That is very sad for me.

And I really want you to take a look at that, because whoever those people were like, how do they know you better than you do. So this is an opportunity for you to literally delete, erase, and cancel those thoughts that came from those people. You may not even know who they were, but you do not have to hang on to those thoughts any longer. The third thing, and this is where I want to go with the passive aggressive is there may be some people that know exactly what they’re doing. They say that all the time. They are, they have a habit of demeaning themselves, of speaking ill of themselves.

And what I’ve noticed is many people will rush to the rescue and they’ll say, Oh, no, no, no, you did good. No, you’re good. That’s really great. Or, oh, no, no, you’re, you know, you’re, they’ll turn around whatever you said, and they’ll start to encourage you. Now, I think there’s nothing wrong with that if the first or maybe second or maybe even the third time somebody encouraged you. You stop bad mouthing yourself. But once it goes beyond two or three times, here’s a little tough love friends. That’s passive aggressive. You are seeking out, and you may not realize it.

Here’s the tough love. And maybe it’s not you, but it’s someone you know. So let’s use it. Let’s say they, they are seeking out approval, affirmation, acceptance, and encouragement from other people who then are going to say you’re doing great. Now I had a client many years ago, so it’s none of you that I know it’s many, many, many, many, many years ago, and she was a naysayer. It constantly second guessing her decisions, moping around, always sighing, I’m not very good at that. Oh, I’m horrible. Oh, I made the wrong decision. I don’t know what decision to make.

And in the beginning, being the encourage the encourager and coach that I am, I would say, No, you got this. I think that’s fine. No, you can follow through. And then after the second or third time, I’m like, Oh, I am feeding that. It’s actually a type of manipulation. And the sad thing is, this is really my heart is full of compassion for people who find themselves in that pattern. They are doing it because they are seeking the approval, the affirmation, the recognition, the validation, dare I even say the love and acceptance that they never got previously.

And they may feel like an empty vessel or the bottomless pit where there will never be enough approval and acceptance and validation. Friends, no one can ever provide that for you. Not me as the professional encourager, not your spouse, not your parents, not your children, not your siblings. Well, I’m a person of faith. So God alone, I put my faith and I know that he has created me, and he loves me, and he wants to bless me. And it’s the same for you. But if you can take that and give yourself the encouragement, the approval, the acknowledgement, the validation that you are seeking from other people.

And you do that with those thoughts that I was talking about. Your thoughts, your feelings, your actions can all create a cascade where you do feel more positive, confident, competent, and empowered. Stop waiting for other people to give you that encouragement and stop with the passive aggressive, oh, I’m so bad, I’m so stupid, I’m not good at that. It’s draining on other people. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy if you continue to tell yourself that. And in your desire, or their desire for speaking about them, in their desire of trying to feel better about themselves and feel more empowered, it actually backfires.

The empowering solution is to notice your thoughts, notice your feelings, notice how they affect your action or the lack of action, and then become aware and use that awareness to select the thoughts specifically that you want to generate these feelings that then can help you feel the way you want to feel in order to take these actions. Friends, that is how to create a better way of interacting in the world, a more efficient, a more effective, and a more empowering way to live your life. I’m here for you every step of the way. Thanks for being on board.

And I look forward to seeing you in an upcoming broadcast. [tr:trw].

See more of The Healthy American Peggy Hall on their Public Channel and the MPN The Healthy American Peggy Hall channel.