➡ When having difficult conversations, it’s important to create a comfortable environment. This can be achieved by asking the other person to choose a convenient time for the discussion, limiting the conversation to a specific time frame, and choosing a neutral location, preferably a walk. The conversation should be based on asking questions rather than imposing your own opinions, allowing the other person to express their thoughts freely.

➡ The article emphasizes the importance of asking questions during difficult conversations, using an example of a mother discussing life’s origins with her son. Instead of imposing her beliefs, she encourages her son’s thinking by asking him what he believes. The author suggests that this approach can lead to self-reflection and independent research, fostering understanding and respect in conversations about complex topics.

Hey friends, before we get into the topic of today’s video, which is how to have the hard conversations. It’s one of my favorite videos this has aired previously, but I am taking a break from the headlines this week and you might need a break from the headlines as well. Heaven knows there are plenty of headlines that are trying to vie for attention. But this is why I need a break from social media. Social media, be like me. I love watermelon. And then I get comments like what’s wrong with pineapple? You didn’t even mention vegetables. I can’t even, I’m literally shaking.

Unsubscribe. See ya. Well, it’s not that bad on my channel. I have a wonderful audience and it’s not social media as much as it is just the headlines and the mainstream media and all of the hogwash that they like to slosh all over us. So this week is going to be all about encouragement, instruction and inspiration to to help you read between the lies and to help you live fully and freely so that you’re not in the spin cycle and you’re not giving up, giving in and giving over your precious life essence to the bad guys who cheer and applaud when we are dragged down by the doom and gloom.

So this week is all about positive encouragement with specific how to practical tips so that you can live better and as I say, live more fully and freely. I would love for you to share this meme. I think it’s pretty funny. I guess I could have used apples because I like to say how do you like them apples? Friends, I hope you’re going to love the apples that I’m going to spill in this video. All about how to have hard conversations. And I wanted to talk to you about having hard conversations. This is related to people that are having difficulty with their family members, maybe with fellow co workers, maybe with their boss, maybe with loved ones, not so loved ones, neighbors, anybody that you come in contact with.

But it’s extremely heart wrenching when I hear about parents, parents and their kids when they are just having conflict and they are having friction. And it often happens when these children are becoming young adults and they’re just about to go off on their own. They might be 17 years old, maybe just turning 18. And of course here in California, anyone basically at any age can get the cooties cure without any parental knowledge or consent. And at the age of 12, young girl can have an abortion without her parent knowing. So let me talk about in terms of children that are becoming adults and they’re going off to college.

And many of these parents have come to us, to me and my husband, Pastor David, asking for our support and guidance. Of course, we don’t give legal advice, but we do provide a legal education. We point you in the direction of the laws and your rights. And I want to tell you about how to have these hard conversations with your family and others when you see things one way and they see things another way. This is one of my most important approaches. This is what I do in my own life. So stay tuned because I want to tell you all about it.

I’ve got three steps for having hard conversations and I want to give you an example of somebody that took my advice and what happened. It’s very eye opening. Before I do that, you know, it’s a sponsored show, so let me hop right on over. You know that I’ve been telling you about Noble Gold Investments and we are@noblegoldinvestments.com and here’s the hard truth. Every six years, your dollar loses half its buying power. That means a $100,000 savings account today could feel like just $50,000 by the year 2031. And you see it every time you fill up your tank, buy groceries or pay the bills.

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So head on over to noblegold investments.com today to learn more. And you can give them a call at 877-646-5347. Again, that’s noblegoldinvestments.com I’ll have a link for you in the description box below. Don’t just protect your wealth, preserve its power. All right, let’s get back to today’s video. Let’s talk about having hard conversations that may be with a loved one, with a not so loved one. It may be about your investments. It may be about where you are going on vacation. If you’re going to move. Many people are leaving California. They’re going to other states. There are conversations, of course, about your medical status, about the purity of your blood and what I find so heart wrenching is when there is a parent who wants to encourage, in this case, I’ll say a mom who wants to encourage her son to remain a pure blood and to go to college with a religious exemption, while the husband already has become a human pin cushion and the child is saying, well, I don’t care, I just don’t want to make a big deal out of it.

Just don’t embarrass me, mom, I’ll just get it. I don’t want to make waves. This is what we see again and again and again. And the issue that I see is not only so much related to being a pure blood or not. There’s my little teddy bear. But having these conversations. This in many cases is indicative of a communication breakdown between the parent and the child. And I want to give you an example of exactly what happened and how astonished I was at the situation and then what happened. So let me just set the scene. We have a lovely.

And I’m really using a combination of different stories, so I don’t want to point out anyone in particular. This is a hypothetical scenario of different cases that I’ve handled. So I’m not pointing out anyone specifically, but it is very, very common where the child, number one, the child wants to become an adult. The child wants to make his own decisions. The child does not want mom or dad telling him what to do. So right there you’ve got family dynamics of you can’t tell me what to do and you don’t know better than I do and I’m going to make the decision for myself.

And in fact I actually support that when the child is an adult. So if we’re Talking about an 18 year old, an 18 year old has the right to make his or her own decisions. And the idea is that hopefully in all those previous 18 years you’ve had conversations about decision making, you’ve talked about values because values drive your decisions. And, and if you’re not sure about that, please go to my other channel called Living Swell with Peggy Hall. It’s here on YouTube. And we talk a lot about decision making and problem solving and your values and what’s important to you and designing your life and all of that emotional well being.

So please don’t miss it. I do live streams at 11am and we talk about your values really are what your decisions should be based on. And as a young adult, they simply have not had that long on earth. They have not had so many years of decision making, although they may have made many decisions in their 18 years. So we learn from our decisions and we need to have an experience the consequences of our decisions. So when it comes to having the hard conversations, I asked the mom, I said, well, what does your son. Here’s the scenario.

The mom wants the child to remain a pureblood. The child wants to go to college and doesn’t want to make waves, is willing to not become a pin cushion if the mom can get the exemption done. But the dad already is a human pincushion and is telling the mom that you’re making too big of a deal out of it, it’s too stressful, and so on and so forth. So the mom is really coming to me, gathering information, saying, I want to learn all about the laws. What does the school require? How can I help my son express his sincerely held religious beliefs? And that’s where I say, all right, step number one, what are your son’s sincerely held religious beliefs? Do you know? And she said, I don’t even know.

And I’m like, wow. I’m thinking to myself, you’re the parent and you don’t even know what your son’s spiritual beliefs are. I find that fascinating. And she said that she herself is of the, let’s just say, Catholic faith and that she goes to church, but her parents, husband and children don’t. That they have not followed her in her faith and it may be that she was new to her faith or recently come to faith, but that the family is not on board. Okay, that happens in a lot of families. But to not have a conversation, to not even know what your child thinks, or she said, I’ve never had that conversation.

And I thought, perfect. This is the perfect opportunity to have the conversation. But here’s how to do it, here’s how not to do it. Do not corner your child in his room and say, sit down, I want to talk to you. Do not talk to your child sitting across the dinner table. Do not talk to your child while you are driving in the car and your child is a passenger. These are the no no’s because you already, you are setting the stage for poor communication. All right, so what I said to the mom is I recommend that you have a conversation with your child where you are simply asking questions, where you are curious.

All right, so here’s where we get into the heart of the matter. I’ve got three important points, maybe even a couple bonus points when you are going to have the hard conversations. Are you ready? Here we go. Very simple. Number one, you’re going to ask the person, invite the person to spend a limited time. And you can even say, for example, there’s something I wanted to ask you about. Because you’re asking. This is all about asking questions. There’s something I wanted to ask you about. Can you let me know when you have 10 minutes and let’s go for a walk? All right, number one, you let them tell you the good time.

That’s going to eliminate some of the barriers, some of the friction, some of the reluctance, some of the, ah, how long is this going to take? I was in the middle of something. Let them tell you their convenient time. And friends, what I’m sharing with you here works. Whether you’re talking about having a conversation with your boss, with your best friend, with your spouse, any conversation of value, I recommend that you double check with the person and you don’t just lay it on them. So if you’re having an issue with your spouse, the minute they walk in the door, you don’t lay it on them.

You say, hey, I’d like to know when you have about 10 minutes, because there’s something that I wanted to ask you about. Give a time limit. That’s a very, very, very crucial part of all of this. A lot of the reasons that people are. A main reason that people are reluctant to have conversations or to talk about any thing that’s sensitive is because they think it’s going to go on and on and on and on. Why do they think that? Because it usually does go on and on and on and on. A lot of conversations go on forever until you have convinced them of your point and that you are right.

I know. I’ve done it myself. My friends, it does not end well. A time limit is brilliant. It immediately lets the person you’re speaking to know that this is not going to go on forever. That they definitely. Most people can carve out 10 minutes of their day. And I would actually say 10 minutes is a great time frame. You can always have additional conversations. 10 minutes allows the conversation to get going without getting too hot under the collar, without trailing off into different directions because you know we’re going to be talking about this for 10 minutes.

It’s very specific and it’s very limited. And that’s the other thing. I would make it specific and limited. So we’ve got. You’re asking them to tell you a good time. The time is going to be limited. Your topic is going to be limited. All right, and so that’s number one. Number two is that, number one, you invite them. Number two, it’s a Limited time. Number three, and this is huge, is you’ve got to go on a walk. This is not something where you’re going to sit facing each other like you are in combat. The tete a tete, as they call it in French, which is like face to face.

It’s too aggressive, it’s too combative. It’s just not good. You want to be on an even playing field. If you cannot go on a walk, if the person is incapacitated, if it’s raining outside, you’ve got to go to neutral ground. Do not have these conversations in your child’s room, in the bedroom, at the kitchen table, where other conversations and frustrations have been aired before. It has got to be on neutral ground so that you are on an equal footing. The reason why I recommend going for a walk is because as you’re walking, you’re actually moving and you are dissipating any tension and anxiety.

And there’s no wall to hit, no dishes to throw, nothing to slam down. So you’re actually moving and you are releasing the tension, the anxiety, the frustration, the anger. It’s brilliant. And you’re breathing and you know, and I know how important breathing is. And as you’re breathing, you’re going to have oxygen to the brain so you can think more clearly, you can listen better, you can be more relaxed. And it’s not this aggressive, face to face type of stance, you know, And I know these people that do try to intimidate you. It happens all the time.

You go for job interviews, many of you have gone to in front of a panel of five people to try to plead your case and convince them of your spiritual, sincerely held beliefs. It’s intimidating. They do that at the school board meetings, at the, you know, at the courts. There’s the judge sitting up on a desk that’s taller than anybody else’s. That’s all done on purpose to intimidate you. So in the case of having a conversation with a loved one, having the hard conversations, it’s extremely important that you are on an equal footing. All right? So hopefully somebody’s making a list there for me.

You let them tell you the time. You actually limit it, limit the amount of time, and then you are going to be on neutral ground. I don’t recommend doing it in the car. It’s very difficult to concentrate when someone’s driving. You can’t really. You’re not on equal footing and it’s actually not safe. I don’t recommend these types of conversations. Lots of conversations can happen in the car. And maybe they will. But when I’m talking about the hard conversations that are limited, get outside, get moving, get breathing, and you can walk five minutes in one direction, turn around and come back.

Many people have reported to me that the 10 minutes have even extended because there has not been that aggression and that conflict and they’re more relaxed and they want continue the conversation. All right, I guess this is point number four. It’s the most important point of all. This is it. This is the crux of the matter. This is exactly what you need to do. You actually ask questions. You do not give your opinion. You do not give any links, information. You don’t tell them everything that you dug up. You don’t share your research. You don’t talk about examples or evidence or proof.

Nothing whatsoever. Zero, zip it. Nada. Nothing. You’ll get your chance. This is you asking questions. You are asking questions. I did a video about this when I talked about questioning abortion. Regardless of where you are on this topic, the approach that I teach in that class, basically it was like a class can be applied anywhere. In my 30 plus years as a communication expert teaching people how to communicate, it has been my experience that when you are asking the questions, the person is more engaged, they are less likely to be belligerent and aggressive because you are actually and sincerely asking them what they believe.

It should be sincere. I want you to develop a genuine curiosity as to their belief. And the end result is you want them to listen to what they’re saying and you want their doubts and questions and confusion to arise for them. You don’t need to promote it. It is going to happen naturally. Let me give you an example of this. The mom said, I’ve never asked my child what he thinks about. I have no idea where he is spiritually. And I said, he’s almost 18, right? And she said, yes. And I said, how is it that you’ve never had this conversation, you asking questions? And she said, it just never came up.

And I’m thinking, wow, that is stunning to me because it is. One of the most important things in my personal view is to think about why you are here on earth, what the purpose of life is. And this lovely woman said, I’m going to do it, Peggy. I’m going to do exactly what you said. I’m going to ask him when a good time is to talk. I’m going to put a time limit on it. We’re going to go for a walk and I’ll see what he say. She said, I’m really Nervous about it. I’ve never had these kind of conversations.

And I said, the beautiful thing is you don’t even need to have anything to say. Just ask questions. Just be curious. So, for example, she said that she had a chance to talk to her son. And she asked, where do you think life comes from? I think that’s a brilliant question to start with. So rather than, I can’t believe that I go to church all this time and you never go with me. And it was not accusatory, it was questioning. And again, we’re talking about teenagers that may not want to even have these conversations. His answer was that we evolved from monkeys.

Now, it would be very easy for a parent to say, we evolved from monkeys. Don’t be ridiculous. How could we evolve from monkeys? There are still monkeys. How come those monkeys didn’t evolve? Are they the stupid monkeys? It would be so easy to have that as a response. But imagine how the person you’re talking to would feel. You are demeaning them, you are denigrating them, you’re mocking them, you’re ridiculing them, and the conversation is going to stop. So this brilliant mom allowed the conversation to continue. Not allowed. But she continued with the questioning. And she said, well, how is that possible? Isn’t that great? She’s posing the questions.

And he said, oh, well, we just evolved over time. And she asked, so is that what you seriously believe? And he said, yeah, it seems to make sense. And she asked if he believed in a higher being. And he said, you mean like God? And he said that he was never taught any of that, but he knows a lot of people who do believe that, but he wasn’t sure. So anyway, it goes on and on with the conversation. The entire time, the lovely mom is asking questions. Do you believe in evil? Do you believe in a higher being? Do you remember watching a video that we had on how human life starts and how cells divide and then grow to become a baby? And do you believe that life is a miracle? Where do you think humans come from? And this is such an encouragement to me to see that, number one, the mom had the courage to have the conversation with her son, to have this opportunity to sincerely find out what he believed.

And I told her, I said, you do not need to fix what he believes. You do not need to come up with the answers. He is a young adult. He is going to be. The fact that you are just asking these questions will plant the questions in his mind. And the way that our minds work is that when we have questions, we want to answer them. So over time, he likely is going to start researching on his own these questions that you have posed for him. He’ll start thinking about and if he’s intellectually honest, start to question, yeah, that doesn’t make sense.

Why are there monkeys? And how come there are no like part half monkey, half human? Although I think I may have seen a few. Oh, you guys know my humor. So this is my recommendation for having the hard conversations. It’s actually easy for you because you don’t really need to do anything other than ask the questions and be sincerely interested, to be curious, to be fascinated by what the person has to say. As you are questioning. They may ask you a question and then you can answer it. But I would not put forth my own opinion, although I do it all day here on YouTube.

But in a normal conversation and where I’m probing a little bit to find out more, I rarely put forth my own opinion until somebody asks me or we’ll have a scenario where I’m asking, asking, asking, and then I may say, wow, that’s so interesting. Thank you for sharing your point of view. Would you like to hear mine? Friends? That’s a very important question to ask. I rarely remember to do it, but it’s a great thing to do where you simply say, would you like to hear my thoughts about this? Because now if they say yes, they are pretty much obligated to listen to you, although their mind could go off on different tangents.

And if they say no, then you’re not going to cast your pearls before Swan. So that is how to have the hard conversations. That can be about money, it can be about moving, it can be about your family, it can be about the hogwash. So rather than you pile on everything that you’ve read and learned and thought, ask them what they’ve seen, what they believe, where their evidence is. Here’s my teddy bear telling me it’s time for her walk. I went a little bit late today. I always enjoy reading your comments. Please share like, subscribe all that good stuff.

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