FEELING LIKE AN EMPTY SHELL

➡ Peggy Hall shares her personal experience of losing her beloved pets and discusses the complex emotions that come with grief. She emphasizes that everyone’s grief is unique and there’s no set timeline for healing. She also encourages people to express their feelings and not to compare their losses with others. Peggy offers support and understanding to those who are also dealing with loss, reminding them that they are not alone.

Hey friends, Peggy Hall with a very short broadcast for you for Monday, May 27th, 2020. I’m actually filming this a little bit in advance for you to share the very sad news that my husband and I have had a couple of significant losses over the last week. And some of you knew that my little kitty cat Elsie passed away and here she is. This was at the age of 19. Actually, this was before she had her took a decline. And then here is my teddy bear at the age of 14. And I have the very sad news that less than a week later, teddy bear passed away.

And I want to talk about feeling like an empty shell because that’s what I feel like right now. And I know many of you have shared with me your stories of grief and loss. Here’s little teddy bear. Shortly after I found her as an abandoned puppy in the bushes in a rough part of town, she was starving and dirty. And it’s highly unlikely she would have lived another day if I hadn’t have found her. And here she was in her prime and of course in her senior years here. And it is something that many of you have experienced the loss of an animal and of course, many other losses.

And what I want to share with you are some of these lessons that I’ve learned through my experience and how our emotions are valid and whether you are feeling outrage over your losses, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a family member, like these furry family members or a human family member. You may have a loss of a relationship with people that are still alive. You may have suffered absolute tragedies in terms of losses. You may right now be facing a health issue that is causing you anxiety. So I just want you to know that my heart and prayers are with you in these difficult times.

And I want to thank all of you for your support. And that to me is the number one way that I personally have bound to get support during these difficult times. That is what helps me the most to have someone that I can reach out to. Many people told me they don’t have anyone to reach out to, which is why we created this online support group. But even here on this channel, there are so many caring people that would love to offer you some words of encouragement and prayer. There are no words that are adequate for someone in their loss.

And I understand that. I do want to share some things that just came to mind and what has been going through my mind during these very difficult times. There is no timeframe on grief. There’s the ups and downs, the ebb and flow of the emotions. I have been sobbing. I have been numb. I have been in shock. I have been angry. I have regretted that I didn’t have more time. Of course, even if I had 24 seven for 240 years with my animals, it would never be enough. So all of these emotions of anguish and sorrow and devastation being distraught, they’re all normal and natural.

And people will feel them and express them differently. I’ve also found that sometimes those that are the closest to you may not be the best ones to support you because they may want you to get over your sorrow more quickly. Then it’s possible. And I don’t even think you like get over it. That’s not even the right phrase to use, but just experience it and integrate it into your life. Everyone’s grief is individual and unique. I do not believe in ranking or comparing losses. It serves no purpose. A loss that may be absolutely devastating to one person may to you appear insignificant and trivial.

But to the person who experienced it, it’s a soul anguish. It’s devastating. It’s overwhelming. So I personally don’t believe in ranking or comparing losses. I do believe that the loss is the wound and the grieving is how we find healing, feeling the emotions, expressing the emotions in all of their different ways and taking and allowing all of the time to go through all of these. There’s no time frame. There’s no limit. There’s no rushing. And the other thing is I will remind myself that what I’m feeling right now is what I’m feeling right now. And I’m also not going to judge that.

And I’m also not going to believe that this is exactly how I’m going to feel forever. I will always feel devastated, sorrowful, grieving. The feeling of an empty shell of this numbness likely is not going to last forever because I’ve had previous significant losses in my life as I know many of you have as well. There are times when the feelings of grief are excruciatingly unbearable. And then there are times when I feel a little more steady, ready for the next wave of grief to hit me. So the purpose of this broadcast was just to let you know what I’ve been going through.

And my heart and prayers are with all of those who are suffering. What I’m going to do is I’m going to rest. I’m going to take time. I’m going to allow those emotions to rise and fall and ebb and flow and knock me to the ground where I’m sobbing. And other times where I’m more still and reflective. And I know that every tear is worth it. Every tear, all of the soul anguish that I’m experiencing in my losses is worth it to me because love includes loss. And I would never have traded these 19 years with Elsie and 14 years with Teddy.

These were the last of five animals of an all time high. I’ve had probably 13 or 14 animals in my lifetime. And it’s the first time in my life that I have never had an animal as a part of my family. And there is a great emptiness that I’m experiencing. I made so many notes here that I want to share with you, but there’s nothing that I can say or do that is actually going to take away the pain, take away the sorrow, take away the loss. But I just wanted to let you know what I’m going through and that I am praying for those of you that are suffering as well.

And I wanted to share with you, you may have noticed behind me, I normally have a picture and I’m going to share that picture with you that came to me from a friend of mine who was an artist, kind of a whimsical artist. And she actually made this picture for me in 2015, so nearly nearly 10 years ago. And here it is, because she knows how much I love the ocean. And here’s my teddy bear. And there’s me, as she depicted me, and with the love which I see as an unending love and I know I’m getting a reflection from my lights here.

But that is my teddy bear. And my LC you may know that I rescued her, along with several other cats and kittens in New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. And so what I do hold on to in these devastating times is remembering, because Elsie was a little kitten as well and she was on death row ready to be euthanized. I was volunteering and they had all of the animals that were being rescued we were breaking into people’s homes to get them out because they had been abandoned for at this point it was a month I was I arrived there October 1.

And the hurricane was on August 31. Interestingly on my birthday, and people were evacuated and not allowed to go back to their homes, except for animal rescue and first responders. And so we were breaking into people’s homes and getting these animals out and of course many of them perished. But there were others that were found, you know, loose on the streets and some more found still alive in the homes that were left with a bathtub full of water and food, but they were in very poor shape. So the main center where all of these animals were being held was at the fairgrounds.

And when they were closing that at the end of October or I can’t remember when it was exactly the remaining animals were going to be euthanized and I said not on my watch along with some other animal rescue people and we all took them and adopted them and I found homes for some and I kept two of them my itty bitty. Sadly who passed away in 2022 so we’ve had a number of significant losses and as I say Teddy and Elsie were the last of the all time high of five. So I just wanted to let you know this in this short broadcast today.

And that’s part of the reason I was airing on the Healthy American, some reruns of my information which is still very valid about avoiding rabies so if you’re interested, that is at my sub sack for the Healthy American called peggyhall.substack.com On my Living Swell channel, the sub sack is livingswell.substack.com and I am behind in some of my sub sack posts because of my period of loss and grieving. It also helps me to, as I say, not only have support from others but to also do what I can with the amount of energy that that I have feeling like an empty shell and to slowly get back into my work and into my work routine because that is very valuable and important to me as well.

So I want to thank all of you for your patience for your prayers for your love and for your support and I just want you to know for anyone that is grieving my heart and love and prayers are with you in your sorrow. It is so painful. It is so overwhelming. And I just want you to know that I am right there with you. God bless you everyone and I look forward to seeing you in an upcoming broadcast. [tr:trw].

See more of The Healthy American Peggy Hall on their Public Channel and the MPN The Healthy American Peggy Hall channel.