These People are Totally F$KD When SHTF | Canadian Prepper

Within this common sense step-by-step guide, you’ll learn how to keep yourself alive as civilization comes violently crashing down all around you. Because let’s face it, our society is run by complete f***ing morons and is doomed to fail like all those that came before it. So take a break from s*** coin trading and OnlyFans for just 10 minutes so you can learn how to survive what’s coming. It may just save your life, as pointless as that might be given the likelihood of near-term human extinction. Here’s the thing, some day you’ll die. The goal here is to postpone dying.

Follow these steps and you might not die soon. Now we all know that preppers are delusional nutbags hyper obsessed with preserving their own mortality. But there is, however, an above 0% chance that you are the brainwashed NPC who is hopelessly banking on the government to keep you alive when disaster strikes. The same government who brought you this. I recognize the challenges the current generation faces in getting information on how to start prepping for when s*** hits the fan. It’s not as though you have a magical device in your pocket that can access all the world’s information at any given time.

So let me simplify it and explain what you need to do to stay alive in the apocalypse. To survive if society collapses, we first need to understand how you’d survive right now. Right now, you need a few basic things. Air, water, food, shelter, security, and medical supplies. One of the most crucial things you need is water. You are in fact mostly made of water. It’s crazy, I know. Water is also the main ingredient in Coca-Cola, Bud Light, and Kambucha. None of which will be available on that glorious day this house of cards suddenly bursts into flames.

Before water comes out of your tap, it starts in a place called nature. You will have to use nature to get water. The problem is most of nature has germs. So you’ll need to kill nature’s germs somehow. Go on the internet and search, how do I get water from nature and kill the germs? It will tell you how to do it. Wow, you did it. Good fucking job. Next thing you’ll need is food. Even though you’re mostly a lifeless consumer drone enslaved by your own condition impulses, there’s still a heart beating in there somewhere.

That heart is made of food. Food comes from things that are also alive, but haven’t had their souls devoured by the system. These alive things are grown and killed, processed, packed, and shipped 2,000 miles every day to keep you alive to pay more taxes so the government can bomb other people. When selecting food for the apocalypse, consider the following. How long will the food last? Does it taste like shit? How many calories does it have? This isn’t rocket science. This isn’t even kindergarten. Just hoard lots of cans of food. Why do you even need somebody to tell you that? Unfortunately, food goes bad sometimes, and it sometimes needs refrigeration.

Refrigeration needs something called electricity. This is the stuff that’s inside your phone. Electricity comes through power lines that were connected to your house by some dude. This electricity is generated in a place that’s really far away. In the case of societal collapse, you won’t be going anywhere, much less really fucking far away. So learn how to make electricity somehow, okay? And remember, toilets won’t work after the apocalypse. The ferries that whisk away your excrement to the netherworld will be on permanent vacation. Improper disposal of your business will make germs. So get a shovel, dig a hole, and get ready to be humbled.

Even the billionaires will be shit in buckets after collapse. Maybe that’s why they call it the Great Reset. It’s also important to note that if there’s no electricity, it will be very dark. You cannot see in the dark. You are not a cat, even if you think you are. You are not a fucking cat, okay? Lighting is going to be very important, so get a good flashlight. Or never go outside at night again. The next thing you’re going to need is shelter. The reason why you need shelter is because outside kills you. Most animals have built-in shelter called fur.

They will not die when society collapses. You will, though, because you’re a pussy. You are kept alive in winter because dudes send gas to your house that makes a controlled fire to heat your home. You call it a furnace. The gas comes from a magical place called somewhere. Somewhere will be broken when shit hits the fan. You will need your own fuel and a metal thing to make fire in to prevent the life force from being sucked out of your body throughout nuclear winter. You may be tempted to have a fire in your house. You probably shouldn’t do that, okay? Next up is security.

Believe it or not, you and everybody else around you is an animal. When animals get desperate, they will kill you for your stuff. The police usually stop animals from killing you. Unfortunately, the police will all be dead, gone on vacation, or the actual animals trying to kill you. You must get lots of guns and learn karate, or just use basic street smarts to avoid sketchy situations. You have none of that, so you’re fucked, I guess. The next thing you need is medication to compensate for your poor lifestyle choices. Contrary to popular belief, in the wilderness there are no hospitals or doctors or nurses.

And unfortunately, the meds you relied on to keep your ass alive doesn’t grow on trees. They grow in trillion dollar pharmaceutical labs and are sold at exorbitant profit margins. So stock up on meds now. It’s important to recognize that if you smoke marijuana, the guy down the street that you get it from is probably going to be dead. This is because somebody is going to raid his house to get marijuana. Just like any other drug dealer who made their money by letting shady people come to their house while the grid was up and times were good, even though there were countless other opportunities to make an honest living.

So my advice to you is to get off the drugs and alcohol while you still can. But you won’t, so enjoy death. Take a first aid course in the very least so you’re familiar with the basics of administering medical care so you don’t bleed out. We understand this will be boring as fuck, so never mind and just buy more guns. The next thing you’ll probably need is a bug out bag. Now if you still need advice on how to build a bug out bag after 10 years and 1 million videos later on the internet showing you how to do this very thing, then you are a fucking idiot and aren’t going to survive anyways.

So just play survival video games and watch shows like Fallout that will nurture your false sense of confidence about your abilities. If there ever was a first world problem, it would be how do I build a bug out bag in the age of the fucking internet. Even though the media says shit will never hit the fan because things are relatively peaceful for this brief sliver of human existence, you would be wise to heed these warnings. If you found this video informative or useful, then I guess you got a lot of work to do. Good luck, you’re probably going to need it.

Use discount code preppinggear for 10% off. Don’t forget the strong survive, but the prepared thrive. Stay safe. [tr:trw].

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