No! Okay, okay, okay. Well, Anakin just killed a whole Death Star. How many people died on that? I mean, the best parts about Star Wars is there is no good or evil. It depends on what side you’re standing on. What are you? Don’t bend! People have been talking to me online about how Darth Vader is such a bad person. It’s very clear. And it’s very well established from those actions. But you can’t look and see Anakin blowing up the Death Star. Possibly killed millions and millions of people. I’m going to get in trouble for saying that.

Are you kidding? Oh my God, I can’t believe you guys did that! I feel like Star Wars is very patriarchal, so it was kind of cool to have this sort of woman-centered figure. People have told me that it’s the gayest Star Wars, and I’m frankly into it. I have to watch it again, I’m sorry. Yes! I think it’s canon that R2-D2 is a lesbian. I’m sorry, one more time. Kathy gets a lot of shit in line. Yeah. But I know that she was the one who made the show. Oh, 100%. Put another gay diverse woman in and make it more than you did! I am currently still shaking a little bit from receiving this video.

Murderotic.com. Greetings you over 1 million practitioners of common sense and the 40% who haven’t subscribed yet. It’s that time once again Disney has seen fit to dig up the desecrated corpse of Star Wars and defile it once again. Assaulting our senses and burning, well quite frankly what’s left of my brain cells, with a brand new piece of Disney content. From former personal assistant to Harvey Weinstein, Leslie Hedlund, the acolyte has arrived. Now after the punishment over the years that George Lucas’ beloved story is received at the hands of the House of Mouse, how bad could it really be? Welcome to hell, motherf***er! This reminds me of the wise words my dear old departed pops told me the day I was sentenced to four years in prison.

Son, things could always get worse. He’s not wrong. A lesson Disney and Lucasfilm hasn’t learned yet, but they will. Now after they started the year announcing a Rey movie directed by Charmaine Obey-Chanoi, who stated it’s about time a woman shaped Star Wars, completely ignoring the last decade of this woman shaping Star Wars into a perfect turd. Now we have a completely different woman shaping Star Wars, and forgive me if I haven’t mentioned this before, it’s former personal assistant to Harvey Weinstein, Leslie Hedlund. I know what’s going on. The first sign of trouble was when something historic happened a little under four years after the acolyte was announced.

They released the first live action Star Wars trailer to get ratioed, and they followed that up with the second live action Star Wars trailer to get ratioed. If that wasn’t bad enough, then the PR campaign happened, and tell me if you haven’t heard this one before. Lucasfilm boss Kathleen Kennedy says a lot of women in Star Wars struggle with fan attacks because of the fan base being so male dominated. After 10 years of the forces, female of Disney Star Wars is still a male dominated brand, I have to ask, what type of male? And they changed that headline from Kathleen Kennedy confronts Star Wars toxic fans.

Now the only thing that may be a little different about that is it openly comes straight from the top, but they weren’t done. Series creator and former personal assistant to Harvey Weinstein, Leslie Hedlund stated, she stands firm that bigots are not true Star Wars fans. I stand by empathy. Show me that smile, show me that smile. And again, that’s how they started the PR campaign. I would say arguably the gayest Star Wars, I think by a considerable margin. Not the gayest Star Wars, nothing. It’s pretty gay, let’s be honest. If you can’t look and see the Anakin blowing up the Death Star, possibly killed millions and millions of people.

I’m going to get in trouble for saying this right now. But that is the beauty of this story. Is it going to be a talking boy? I’m sure so. Because nerds are gay. Well, some nerds are very not gay and are very threatened by gay stuff. Well, that’s true. But in my world, nerds are gay. Perhaps our existence, you know, just like anything that exists outside of the binary, the establishment can find that threatening. And if all that wasn’t enough to convince you that the acolyte was going to be a giant dumpster fire, it doesn’t help that there was a review embargo up until the day it was released.

But I guess Rolling Stone didn’t get the memo when they dropped their negative review. The acolyte, this Star Wars prequel series, isn’t a force to be reckoned with. Even a veteran Jedi master would lose patience with this latest D-plus edition of canon, which focuses on a pair of twins, revenge and falling asleep. A review they had to immediately delete. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen to the acolyte did. They released it. I think that Star Wars is so gay already. Yes. The acolyte is a murder mystery told from the perspective of the bad guys who couldn’t possibly be the Sith that takes place 100 years before the Phantom Menace, where they clearly stated.

Impossible. The Sith have been extinct for a millennium. In a Disney Star Wars show inspired by Frozen. Let it go. And Kill Bill, if they were both fan fit created by a former personal assistant to Harvey Weinstein. It’s worst crime is it’s boring, closely followed by humiliating dialogue, which is equaled only by acting that would give Madam Web and those short independent films on the hub a run for their money. And Disney has reduced George Lucas’s Star Wars into bland people in bland robes doing uninteresting things slowly. But it is diverse. There are many different types of lesbians.

You would think it would star Carrie and Moss considering how much they promoted her in the trailers. Well, don’t get too attached to her. Obi-Wan Trinity is confronted in a bar by a mysterious woman in a covid mask. Yes, my job. Attack me with all your strength. I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking that too. Was she hit in honor? But no, after a fight that you saw most of in the trailer, that’s totally not supposed to remind you of the matrix. Qui-Gon Carrie collects a paycheck and dies. And this mysterious assassin with the covid mask and the very distinctive hair is named May.

She is on a clandestine mission to hunt down and kill four Jedi, apparently in very public places with lots of witnesses, which turns out to be barely an inconvenience because she has a twin sister named Osha, the good twin sister who is appropriately named because she’s a mechnik. I hope she’s up to date on her M.S.D.S. She’s a former padawan who could put out sustained fires in the vacuum of space. Osha is questioned by Killmonger and haircut only in Jenny Nicholson. After being ID’d as her sister by the bartender after the assassination in the very public place with lots of witnesses.

And I can hear you now. Maybe May planned to set up Osha. No, later on in the show, we find out that each sister thinks the other one is dead. And this is where we find out that May started a fire that eventually killed her, the rest of her village. And because this is Disney Star Wars, her mother’s. You lost your entire family. Your mother’s your sister. You know, this reminds me of something. Oh, yeah. Anyway, and I’m sure Amanda Stenberg was hired on her acting prowess, but I have to admit it is impressive that she can play two different parts exactly the same without changing her facial expression.

Then we return to someplace familiar. No, it’s not Tatooine. I know that’s what you’re thinking. It’s Coruscant, where we meet Sol, the Jedi master, played by the guy from Squid Game. He’s also the former master of our Rick James-haired heroine, Osha. I’m Rick James, bitch. Despite recently learning English for this role, and yes, sometimes it’s hard to understand him. He’s easily the best thing in the acolyte. The bad news, he’s in the acolyte. The rest of the Jedi Council cast is rounded out by the insubordinate and annoying Padawan X-23, and the wife to former personal assistant to Harvey Weinstein, Leslie Hedlund, Jedi master Nepo, whose acting skills would fit perfectly in a Neil Bream film.

May the force be with you. The first two half an hour each episodes of the acolyte are absolutely filled with what we expect from D+, inane and or unnecessary trips to pad time, including our Jedi gang spending the last third of the first episode going back and retrieving their Jedi murder suspect that Shilmonger and Jettie Nicholson thought it was a good idea to leave unsupervised on a prisoner transport, which they managed to do pretty easily. Credit where credit is due, the Disney Analytics know their customers well, and they know they won’t be paying attention very long, so the tension is immediately lifted when Osha is no longer a suspect, because there’s been another Jedi attack on Olegah at the Jedi Union Temple Local 357.

This time, May went after Master Torben, who has been meditating for 10 years. Master Torben hasn’t spoken to anyone in over 10 years. Obviously, the first attempt to kill Torben failed, but not to worry, because the security is lax at the Jedi Temple Union Local 357. Torben is played by Dean Charles Chapman, who you may recognize as Tommen from Game of Thrones, and he’s got something else in common with Tommen, haha. After 10 years in meditation, all’s May had to do was talk him into killing himself. And this all happened while the Jedi were talking in front of the temple, and the rest of the cast is literally rounded out with body positivity padawan and Asian Ezra Miller, who’s May’s drug dealer.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the introduction of the big bad Smilo Ren, who sounded like Stephen Hawking with bronchitis delivering a monologue written by a 12-year-old through a fast food speaker. Three orders of wonton soup. The Jedi live in a dream. Oh, some fortune cookies, too. An acolyte kills without a weapon. If you attack a Jedi with a weapon, you will fail. And by the end, everyone realizes Osha’s twin, May, is alive, and May realizes Osha is alive. And if this is starting to sound like CW garbage, it’s because it is.

And after trapping May, she blows dust in the face of Shilmonger and Sol and escapes. And so ends what I am told are the tolerable episodes of the acolyte. And according to my good friends Alan Ng and Chris Gore, things get much worse, including in episode three, when they confirm the force is female. Episode three of the acolyte is going to break Star Wars with a complete redefinition of the force. That being said, I still have questions like, who knew that some female Jedi can take getting stabbed in the gut with a lightsaber, but all it takes is a little knife to kill one.

This explains Qui-Gon Jinn, though. He obviously could have survived and just wanted to die. Why would you put multiple prisoners, including one suspected of killing a Jedi, in a transport guarded by one robot, piloted by two chairs? Why didn’t the Jedi at the local 357 beef up the security after one of their own was attacked? And why didn’t they cover the skylight? And why would you say this about a lightsaber? This is a fight that you will not win. A Jedi doesn’t pull our weapon unless prepared to kill. When Shilmonger was using one as a flashlight later on in the episode.

And who trimmed Torben’s beard while he was levitating in a force bubble for 10 years? And where did his poop go, the World Between Worlds? Forgive me. How in the hell did Osha and May not run into each other at the salon? How did a fire burn long enough to roast marshmallows and porg on in space? And who thought it was a good idea to give the former personal assistant to Harvey Weinstein, Leslie Hedlund, a show with a budget of $180 million? With an audience score that’s currently sitting at 27% and a completely predictable 92% from the media shills.

With their lips firmly pressed on the corporate teat. This is a phenomenon we’ve known about for a long time, but it seems others are catching on. Critics are less relevant today than at any time in human history. They’re off so much more than they’re on. I just don’t understand why they’re still employed. I mean, what is the purpose that they serve other than speaking to other completely disconnected, supposedly highbrow people that live in congested urban areas? Yeah, and I think also the critics, and I don’t know why, but they seem to feel the need to judge any project by what it, how is it looking at the lens through today’s new question morality? How is, what should we be making movies about? And you can make a shitty movie about something that they support and they’re going to support that movie.

No shit. And with that, let’s go to the people starting with Brett S. One Star. Okay, I will admit my expectations were probably too high for this. They were. But wow does this underwhelm. It doesn’t know what it is or what it wants to be. If I could at least see the vision, I would give it the benefit of the doubt, which you should never do with Disney Star Wars. What an absolute mess. Show you N for two stars. The story is confusing. Amanda Stenberg plays twins the same, so it adds to the confusion. The pace of the show is very slow with unsatisfying payoffs.

The Jedi world in acolyte is the same as the one in the Phantom Menace, which seems odd considering the series is supposed to take place 100 years before the Phantom Menace. Ahsoka was a much better series. Oh, that was a low blow. Show you half star. The show absolutely breaks cannon. The soundtrack is unbearable, which really takes the soul out of the show. Not that it has any. Anyways, I will say I do like the character of soul. But other than that, it’s a bland and basic show, which doesn’t feel like Star Wars. Similar to most Disney Star Wars projects.

Nevertheless, maybe my opinion will change when the other episodes are released. I highly doubt it. Eric C for a half star. I simply can’t understand how Star Wars has been allowed to fall so far. Bad writing bag, casting cheap look and feel despite massive budgets. Simply does not feel like Star Wars in any way. This was not made for the audience that grew up loving the franchise. No. David H half star reading the reviews just after I watched episodes one and two. It’s just poor. Every scene is too clean. Clothes clean. Even the dirty rooms are clean.

There is a scene where a fire breaks out in space. It feels like it was all filmed at Disneyland. Carrie Anne Moss underused has no emotion at all. The rest of the cast poor acting and poor story. I did give it a chance. I will watch episode three and four. It has to improve. There has to be more. And again, the first two episodes were supposed to be the tolerable ones. And going back to my dear old dad’s warning, things are going to get worse, including two moms conceiving twin girl force users. So it’s a common of lesbians that make two twins that they’re going to indoctrinate into the power of the thread, which is their interpretation of the force.

And pronouns in live action Star Wars. But don’t get down because this isn’t sad. Don’t bother getting mad because it’s hilarious. Comedy isn’t dead because we are currently living in the best unintended comedic era in Hollywood history. Thanks to Disney. And I truly appreciate Lucasfilm leaning into the South Park meme because the acolyte is both lame and as former personal assistant to Harvey Weinstein, Leslie Hedlund admitted, gay. Are you excited about that? If you like what you heard, please like share and subscribe. If you didn’t like what you heard, I thank you for listening this long.

I will see you in the next video. [tr:trw].

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