Hey friends, it’s Peggy Hall back with you with a few words of encouragement. I’d like you to think about the last time, it was probably very recent, when you observed and experienced the suffering and grief of someone else. So what comes to mind as I’m filming this is the recent disaster on Maui in the picturesque town of Lahaina, which used to be the capital of the Kingdom of Hawaii, a very sacred place. I know that many of my viewers have been there, some of you have lived there. I have many in my audience that have written to me that have expressed their grief, their sorrow, what they’ve been through.

And it is so encouraging to me to know that I have so many deeply compassionate people in my healthy American community and I’m so grateful for that. What I want to talk about is a way of witnessing grief, sorrow, devastation, loss, horrific events without you also becoming a victim of these events. So many of you have asked me and you’ve expressed that you can’t sleep at night, you have horrible images going through your mind, you are trying to do what you can but you feel helpless. And I understand those feelings and that’s why I want to share with you my technique of observe, don’t absorb.

So I have a couple of notes here that I did jot down to make sure that I cover everything for you. And I’d like you to think about how you feel when you see someone else suffering. And this is a different experience than when you yourself are suffering. If you are a parent, if you have a beloved animal companion, if you are a spouse, and I know that there are many in my audience that have told me their experience of seeing a loved one suffer. And it is such a powerful time that we go through because we literally feel unable to adequately help another person.

And that adds on the additional suffering to the already existing pain. Now, my intention here is to offer some positive encouragement, but I just wanted to paint a picture for you so that you would have in your mind, a situation where you might feel overwhelmed, unable to help. In a private webinar that we held last week for those supporters of the work that I do, I had someone ask, what can I say to my grieving nephew who lost his two and a half year old son. Now, that right there, I’m sure throws most of us for the loop, the loss of such a young child before he really had a chance to to fully live his life.

And the outpouring of messages from those in the chat I thought were, it was so great and it also demonstrated a heart of compassion. And what I responded was this. Regardless of what you say, the fact that you actually reach out is very, very powerful. And then that is what they will remember. They may not remember exactly your words, they may not remember any of that other than the emotional support that you offered by reaching out. So often we want to have the exact right words to say, the exact gesture to make, you know, the right action to take.

And that can also add on more anxiety and guilt and nervousness. And we feel paralyzed. I don’t know what to do. And then often people don’t do anything because they think that they’re not going to do it right or they may say the wrong thing. So going back to the situation where you may have a friend, a family member, somebody that you know, and you’re trying to just give some words of encouragement, something along the lines of, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I am here for you. My heart grieves with yours. You’re not alone in your sorrow.

For me personally, those kinds of words and phrases were very helpful when I went through the losses that I experienced. I don’t believe it’s helpful to criticize what other people say in order to try to help. There are some well-meaning people that would say things like, well, God wanted it this way, or he’s in a better place now, or heaven must be missing an angel. Things that we’ve read in greeting cards or maybe we’ve seen memes or we’ve seen these kinds of expressions, you know, in our popular culture. And often the person who’s grieving or those who are witnessing that grief will say, that’s so insensitive.

I can’t believe you said that. Well, let’s cut them some slack as well. They didn’t know what to say. They were trying to reach out in a way that they thought would help. So I personally do not criticize anyone’s gestures or words when they are just struggling to find a way to offer support because here’s the bottom line. No words, really, no action. Nothing is going to completely alleviate the suffering that that individual is going through, whether it’s physical suffering through an illness that may take their life. Whether it is what we’ve seen in recent events where people have lost their homes, maybe even their home is standing, but they lost their work to go to work.

They don’t have a car. And then the absolute worst where they lost a family member. That is their sorrow and their experience. And we can be a witness to that. But it is nearly impossible to completely lift that burden for someone else. We are to walk alongside those who are suffering to be there for them. Speaking of memes, one that has been making the rounds that I thought was so powerful is a short description of a young boy who saw his neighbor sitting on the stoops, sitting on the step and went over across the street to this grieving gentleman who had lost his wife.

And he sat with the gentleman for a while and he came back home and the mom was looking out through the window and she said to her son, what did you say to our neighbor? He looks like he’s feeling better. And he said, I didn’t say anything. I just helped him cry. And I think that is so important that you are a witness for others. I’ve spoken about that a few times now, talking about grief and handling the overwhelm. And an added layer is when it is not our personal experience. And we can feel helpless, maybe even veering toward feeling hopeless.

And that is a place where you don’t want to be. There is always hope in, well, I’m a person of faith, so I find my strength in God. I know that he has a supernatural power and comfort that I can rely on. And I believe that God uses each of us to be that source of comfort and support for others. I encourage you to watch and I will link them for you. My previous videos about grief leads me to witness and another way to cope because there are ways that for you when you are suffering, witnessing the suffering of others.

It’s very important now that you observe, but don’t absorb. I think those words speak for themselves. You can observe what is going on in an event. And you can feel compassion, sorrow, grief, overwhelm, loss, almost as if it had happened to you. Maybe you’re even remembering your experience where that happened. And here’s how you can find that dividing line between observing it but not absorbing it. So a couple of things that I have for you. Realize, number one, as sad and tragic and anguishing as this reality may be, it is that person’s road and journey. That is what they are experiencing.

Just like you experienced something in your life that was yours to bear. This is theirs. And you can observe it. You can pray for them. You can feel it. But without letting it consume you because that will actually weaken your ability to give that support, comfort, care, and prayer. So that’s sort of the emotional realm. You’re feeling that. You’re feeling the compassion. You’re sending prayers. You’re sending images of comfort and words if you are able to do so. Just I’m thinking of you. I’m sorry this happened for you. I’m here for you in your sorrow. That I think is plenty.

We don’t need to add on additional words or phrases. Things will get better. You’ll get over this. As a grieving person, that’s something that I really didn’t want to hear. But again, anything you say, words of encouragement or showing up, the person will remember your actions that you reached out to them. So number two, let’s take it out of the emotional realm. Go into the intellectual mental frame of energy. Think about things that you could do that could help. So if you have a friend, for example, and the friend has a loved one that is going through a difficult time.

I’ll give you an example. When my mom was in her last days, a girlfriend of mine, she didn’t say a word. She didn’t send a card. She showed up with a giant pan of a casserole that was ready to go so that I didn’t have to cook. I didn’t have to shop. My husband and I would have something to eat. This brings me to tears just when I think about that. And she did that a couple of times. She didn’t ask, what do you need? She showed up with food. All right, that was amazing to me.

You may not be in that position, but think about where and how you might be able to pick the kids up from school. I had another friend when I had a broken foot. She just stopped by and had groceries from the grocery store. She didn’t even ask me what I liked or what I needed. She had laundry detergent. She had just things that she thought I would need that it would be difficult for me to go and get. She never asked. She just showed up. When we’re speaking about events that are distant, for example, in Hawaii, or there are fires going on now in Louisiana, we’ve got other disasters in Canada, in the Canary Islands, all around the world, and that will likely continue because we know that the evildoers have that as their plan.

So what can you do? Do you know someone in that area? Can you contribute? Can you send a card of condolence? Think about things that you can do. Think about ways that actually help, and think about ways that don’t help. Are you riveted to the news 24-7? Are you frantically sending emails and links to everybody that you know with the same information that’s already been shared over and over again? Are you putting yourself in the spin cycle of overwhelm, of grief, of anxiety, of anguish because you feel helpless? That is not going to serve you, and in turn, you’re not going to be able to help others.

There is a fine line. It’s not such a fine line. There is a very marked line between being informed and being obsessed. If you are unable to sleep, if you are neglecting your own household responsibilities, if you are not spending time with your friends and family, if you are not spending at least equal time doing something that restores you, that replenishes you, that re-energizes you and brings you joy and purpose and pleasure in your life, then you’re obsessed. I need to walk you down off the cliff and bring you down with your feet back on earth because that is not going to help others if you are spinning out of control.

It actually feeds the evil, and we don’t want that. Here’s what I like to focus on when I think of observing what’s going on but not absorbing it. Number one, I do have my boundaries where I will turn off the news. I will turn off the videos. That’s why, in this video, I’m endeavoring to give you another way of looking at things. One of the biggest ways that I have been able to deal with the amount of information that I receive, that I report on, is I look for ways to finish this sentence. I’ll start out by saying, at least.

Now, I’m not going to be saying this to my friends or loved ones that are suffering. They can find this out on their own, but when I’m observing without absorbing, I can say, at least they had this many years of that. At least, let’s say you had a friend whose car was stolen, like, well, at least their life wasn’t taken, or you’re thinking that into your own mind so that you are focusing on what is still good and positive and helpful. I remember having a dear friend who was completely betrayed by a business partner. She was completely overwhelmed and distraught.

At one point, she said, well, at least I wasn’t the one who did the betraying. At least, I wasn’t the one who cheated. I thought that is such a powerful position to be in because it reminded her that even though she was cheated, and for a while, she was berating herself. She was saying, I can’t believe I fell for it. How could I have been so stupid? And it’s like, no, you’re not the stupid one. He’s the stupid one. He’s the one that cheated you. He’s the one that’s in the wrong, not you. And she said, well, at least I wasn’t the one that was doing the cheating.

So when you’re looking at a disaster like Lahaina, at least the community is seeing what’s going on. At least there are millions and billions of dollars that are being sent there. At least the world now is knowing and waking up to the evil that is being perpetrated upon these unsuspecting victims. So ending the phrase, at least, helps me observe without absorbing. It helps me do that little bit of a pivot so that I’m not overwhelmed and I’m not drowning in that, you know, that river of pain and river of sorrow. I can feel it. I can remember that I got through these difficult times and I know that they will get through these difficult times.

I want to end by saying, I acknowledge how painful it is to observe someone else’s pain, sorrow, and loss, and you are unable to do anything about it. Just acknowledging that that is the root of your overwhelm and additional grief for someone else, I think, is very, very helpful. Of course you feel overwhelmed and helpless because it is not your catastrophe. It is not your event. You have had yours and you will have yours and I pray that others will be observing and sending their prayers and their words of support when and if that happens to you.

Thank you everybody for being on board. I look forward to reading your comments so that you can share what you have done when you have been an observer of someone else’s pain and sorrow. In my own personal experience, just being there, helping the person cry, the physical presence, and if you can’t be there physically sending the card or items as I say that, let the person know that you are thinking of them. And the other thing I want to end on is very often the outpouring of help and support and prayers and concern is at the very beginning of that loss and tragedy.

And as the days and weeks and months and even years go by, often that recedes, yet the pain is still present for the person who suffered that loss. So my best encouragement could be to you to think about persevering in your care and concern for others. It’s not just a one and done. It’s checking in. How are you doing? I’m here for you. And that can also help in the long run. Think about the losses that you’ve had. And you probably still are integrating those. And if you called them to mind, you would still feel that stab of pain because time doesn’t eliminate those.

It allows us to integrate those losses into our life as we move and change our life into something different. And another last word that I want to give you is I will get through this. I’ve been through things before and I will get through this as well. That’s what I tell myself when I’m faced with trials and traumas and tragedies and setbacks and sorrows. I remember that I did get through the previous ones as painful and as much suffering as I experienced. I did get through and I will get through again. That’s my hope and prayer for you, friends.

Thank you so much for being on board. I’m at the Healthy American Daily starting at 4 p.m. Pacific and that’s 7 p.m. Eastern Monday through Friday. And I am going to be doing, just to let you know, an additional free private class for those of you that are concerned about any kind of new measures and restrictions that might be implemented by the evil doers. And I want to make sure that everybody has the information that they need. I can’t speak about that at length on these public platforms. So that would be a private invite. And in order to get that invitation, you need to be on our newsletter.

Go to the healthy American dot org. Click on newsletter. Sign up if you feel that you signed up and somehow you’re not getting them. Email support at the healthy American dot org and we will get you squared away. All right. [tr:trw].

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