➡ Peggy Hall from thehealthyamerican.org talks about dealing with difficult people in your life. She shares her own experiences and gives tips on how to handle these “tyrants”. She also promotes her other channels and a health supplement. Lastly, she encourages her viewers to share their own strategies for dealing with difficult people.
➡ The text talks about people who are bossy and mean, always wanting to be right and in the spotlight. These people don’t care about others’ feelings and often blame others for their own problems. They don’t like when others have different ideas or opinions. The text also gives advice on how to deal with such people, suggesting that it’s important to stand up for yourself and not let them push you around.
➡ The writer talks about their past experience with a bully at work who tried to take over a project they had built. They regret not standing up for themselves then, but have since learned how to deal with such people. They suggest not taking the bully’s actions personally, not apologizing for who you are, and setting firm boundaries. They also recommend limiting time spent with such people and choosing neutral locations for meetings to avoid power struggles.
➡ This text talks about how we always have choices, even when dealing with difficult people. It suggests that understanding and compassion can help us handle these situations better. It also gives advice on how to communicate effectively with such people, like not arguing but also not fully agreeing with them. Lastly, it emphasizes the importance of standing up for ourselves and setting boundaries to protect our well-being.

Hey, friends. Peggy hall, back with you from thehealthyamerican. org. On this channel, I’ve been teaching you for years how to tame the tyrants, how to turn the tables on the tyrants, because those evildoers are out to try to psychologically oppress us. And we’ve been fighting back tooth and nail. And I’m so grateful to have you on board. But today I want to talk about taming the tyrants in your own life.

You know, there is very little impact that I actually can have on the. Come on, man. The guy that’s in the White House. I hope you understand my humor or even daddy Newsom in the governor’s office in California. We can expose the evildoers. We can make sure that we are not having the wool pulled over our eyes. We can stand up in confidence knowing that we’re not going to be bamboozled by the puppet masters.

But when it comes to our ability to actually influence what’s going on with these tyrants, I think that we need to start with the tyrants in our very own life. And that’s what I have for you today. This video actually aired on my other channel, which is living swell with Peggy hall. And the reason why I’m bringing you this content is because I want you to subscribe to Peggy hall to living swell with Peggy hall.

In case this channel goes down, you’ll know where to find me. And I’m also over at Rumble, and I’ve got my substac, which is peggyhall substack. com. And I’ve got the vault with over well over a thousand videos that I’ve done, including those personal events, the sermons of my husband, Pastor David, and so much more that you don’t find on any other channel. So if you’re interested in supporting me that way, I’d love to have you on board.

And as my thank you to you, you are invited to my monthly live private webinar, where we don’t have to worry about the censorship. And I answer your questions. You interact with others on the chat, and it is a lot of fun. So before we dive in, let me know in a comment the tyrants that you are dealing with in your own life, those that are the bullies, the oppressors, those that are like bulldozers.

And I’m going to share with you a personal story of way back when, when I was the director of teacher education at the University of California, Irvine in their extended education program, and how I was bullied by somebody and I didn’t really have the tools and the techniques that I’m going to share with you now. And I wish I had known then what I know now. I don’t want to live in regret, but I want to take that information and apply it and help you to learn from what I learned.

And I’ve got five techniques that I want to share with you before I do that. I do want to thank the sponsor of this video. I’m grateful to the sponsors. That’s how I’m able to do this work. It really is my full time job and I’m grateful that they see value in my message and they want me to share their message with you. So I’ve been telling you about my friends at Biotrust, this product you can find@trimwithpeggy.

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And you’ll notice that the light is a little bit different, but I hope that you’ll be able to overlook that and you’ll listen to the message and then please leave me a comment and let me know the techniques and strategies that you’ve used to help deal with these bullies, these narcissists, these controlling, demeaning, critical, condescending people. Oh, I don’t like the naysayers. I want to be surrounded by yaysayers, and I count you among them.

Thanks for being on board. Everybody. Sit back, enjoy. How to tame the tyrants. And please leave me a comment and be sure that you’re subscribed to substac so that you can read my comments about this topic as well. Enjoy. Hey, friends, Peggy hall back with you to add some positive encouragement and some positive value to your know, we’re talking about taming the tyrants in your life. Oh, my gosh.

For the last several years, I have been battling the tyrants, the public serpents, as I call them, in our government, exposing government corruption and rattling the cages of these evildoers so that we can actually reclaim our freedom. But what I want to talk about are not these individuals that are in government and really maybe your boss, possibly your coworkers, but I’m talking about people that you are rather close to and maybe you wish you weren’t as close because they actually are acting like tyrants in your own life.

I was remembering some time ago when I used to work at the university and there was a very bombastic, pushy, bulldozer kind of person. And if you know anything about me, I am somebody that actually is a peacemaker. I like to bridge the gap. I like to compromise. I would love nothing more for everybody to be happy and healthy and optimistic and cheerful and positive. So when I am faced with somebody that is literally trying to bulldoze over me, it is very unsettling.

And I want to share with you tips and techniques that I’ve used to deal with these tyrants in my own life. Now, before I finish the story about this coworker at the university, for the last several years, I’ve been exposing the tyrants in government. I’ve been fighting government corruption and pushing back against what I call the public serpents, those that are not serving we the people, but are serving evil.

But I want to talk about something much closer to home. So think about a person. It probably already came to mind for you, someone that just is bombastic. They’re pushy, they’re condescending, they’re controlling. I’m going to have a whole list of things here that I’m going to read off for you. But I think back to this very troubling time when I was the director of teacher education, and I don’t want to give too many details, but there was another director that I was always trying to step on my turf.

She was trying to take over my programs. And it was almost like she was an adolescent trying to battle me to get mommy’s approval. Mommy being the associate dean who was our boss. And I’m the type of person that is happy to talk things out, to make a list of pros and cons to determine what our workload is and who best should be running this program. But this was someone.

And I’m just going to give you the laundry list of the type of characteristics that this person exhibited. So what I call powder keg anger. Let me know if you know anybody like that where you literally feel that it’s up to you to walk on eggshells, otherwise you might make them angry. Now, I am going to eliminate that phrase from my conversation and hopefully from yours as well, because we don’t have the power.

Well, the truth is that people should be in charge of their own emotions. But these individuals, the tyrants, will blame us and they’ll say things like, you make me so angry. And that’s actually false. We as mature adults should be in control of our emotions and our thoughts. And I talk about that on this channel quite a bit if you’re interested to go back and watch some of the previous videos.

But this powder keg anger, where they are just ready to explode, obviously they’ve got issues that they’ve never dealt with and they’re taking it out on you. And it is no fun to be at the receiving end of this kind of anger. These tyrants, these personal tyrants are very judgmental. They are not able to look at a different side or entertain another perspective or even allow for a difference of opinion.

Extremely judgmental. Now, I understand that I am a person that often sees things in black and white, but I do strive to see another person’s perspective and to ask them how they came to that perspective. What is the evidence for their conclusions that they’ve come to. And I would like to have really a decent, level headed, rational conversation. So this kind of powder keg anger and judgment really rubs me the wrong way.

These tyrants also are somebody that just invalidates you, your emotions, your challenges, your struggles. And they always have to be in the spotlight at the expense of others. That’s really the bottom line. I have two YouTube channels. I do a lot of public speaking. I don’t mind being in the spotlight. In fact, I enjoy it because I want to get my message out, but not at the expense of others.

So if I’m sharing the stage with someone, we all have our period of time and I’m not going to outrun my time and eat into theirs. And I will tell you that I have been on stages with people that used up my time because they just kept going and going, and it was my time to speak. I had fewer minutes left, so that was at my expense. And I strive not to do that.

So these tyrants can also be described as a bully, right? Somebody that has to have absolute control, again, at the expense of others. And I’m talking about adults. All right, this sounds like I’m talking about adolescents or maybe even toddlers at a certain point, but I’m talking about what should be emotionally mature adults. One of the things, and I’ve had many of these tyrants in my life, and I’m going to tell you how I’ve dealt with it.

So stick with me for a couple of tips and techniques. But one of the characteristics of a tyrant is they have to be right at all cost. And I’m talking about all cost. There are people that have divorces, that have broken relationships, that lose business deals, that are acting in a manner that is very childish and often in public because they have to be right. This to me, I’m so embarrassed for them.

Now, again, I can see some of these characteristics flare up in my own personality. But the difference between me and these tyrants is that I am willing to be self aware and to take steps to correct and improve my attitude and my actions. And the deal with these tyrants is they don’t see anything wrong with what they’re doing. I can acknowledge times when I am trying to be right at all costs, and it’s like, wow, maybe this cost isn’t worth it.

Now, when we’re talking about societal issues and our choices, I do put truth and freedom and integrity and dignity first, above all. Absolutely. But when it comes to just having to be right about, oh, what day did we see that show? Was it Wednesday or Thursday? Why would you quibble and squabble and whatever the other words are, have these kinds of interactions and these little so called encounters just because you have to be right.

To me, that’s a waste of time, energy, your breath, and your life. So it troubles me when I see people that have to be right at all costs, especially when it is in more of the trivial things. These tyrants are very moody and they can change. And that is part of walking on eggshells like, okay, I better pretend to be happy all the time. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about this topic because they might fly off the handle.

Oh, the energy it takes to be with these tyrants is so draining. I’m going to share with you what happened with this individual in just a moment at work. I’m no longer in that job. I have not been for many years. I’ve been an entrepreneur, which I prefer so much because I don’t have to deal with those types of tyrants on a daily basis. But these tyrants, this is what really bothers me.

They blame you for their feelings and their moods and their failures. I mean, that is not right. We need to take responsibility for our own thoughts, our own feelings right in the body, our own emotions that are triggered by thoughts and our own actions. And in many cases, we need to take responsibility for our circumstances and situations that we can change, ideally or have some impact. When you are blaming someone else for your thoughts and your feelings, you’re giving away your power.

So these tyrants not only are moody and prone to anger and have to be right, and they invalidate who you are and what you believe, but they also are blaming you for all of that. It’s like a lose lose proposition. These tyrants are oppressive, meaning they do not want you to have your own ideas, your own life, your own way of thinking, your own opinions, your own preferences, dreams and desires.

It’s like my way or the highway. I find that so absolutely stifling. Yes. So many of these things can be applied to the public serpents, the tyrants, those that are in charge. But I’m talking about individuals that you deal with on a daily basis. We can kind of turn a blind eye to some of the public serpents. But when we are dealing with people in personal interaction, this can be extremely draining.

So again, I’m going to share with you my tips in just a moment, but I need to continue to read this laundry list. It just goes on and on. These individuals are so insulting, it’s like they have no conscience. Don’t you care what you’re saying? Don’t you realize how that reflects back on you? My aunt may, she rest in peace, gave me a really good piece of advice and she said, imagine that whatever you’re saying to someone, it’s like they’re holding up a mirror and it’s reflecting back on you.

I thought that was so powerful. So that’s why I like to speak life. I like to speak positivity and optimism and can do, and I’ll figure it out. Always looking for solutions rather than just complaining. So these individuals, not only are they insulting, they actually can go out of their way to try to humiliate or embarrass you, ridicule you. I mean, what are they, teenagers? They really are when it comes to their emotions.

And we do need to muster up some bit of compassion if at all possible, because these are hurt individuals that somewhere along the line did not give, get and give. They certainly did not get the attention, the love, the care, the tenderness, the understanding, the validation, the approval, the acceptance, the love that they may have been seeking. And so they’re trying to find it in these ways that actually don’t work.

So, finishing up the laundry list, and I know there are more adjectives, and let me know in a comment if you can add to this, but these are individuals that are dismissive. That one really rubs me the wrong way. They don’t even want to take the time to hear how you’re doing, what you’ve been up to, what you think about something. It literally is like a surface interaction, and they’re just dismissive.

Like it doesn’t even matter. That is so troubling, condescending. Of course, they’re better than you are. Very critical. Now, certainly I have some of these traits in my own personality. I’m very critical of those that are oppressive and those who are seeking to dismantle our freedoms and those that are deceptive and don’t stand on truth. So, yes, I am critical of that, but I’m talking about being critical of somebody’s outlook, of how they dress, of their humor, maybe of what they’re eating, what kind of car they drive.

It’s like, is that really your business? I mean, it’s so stunning to me. These individuals can be very demanding. Like, it is never enough. And I’m going to tell you about this coworker. And that was one of the qualities as well. It’s like one meeting to go through this is never enough. Giving the reports, it’s never enough. It’s like, why aren’t they satisfied with what reasonable people are satisfied with? Extremely demanding, extremely combative.

All right, if you want to have a conversation, then let’s come out and have it in a compassionate or cordial way without slinging the mud so you could say, oh, I noticed that you’re taking this approach, and I would have done it differently. Can we have a conversation about this like adults? But these individuals are extremely argumentative. It’s almost like they get their energy by being combative, by stirring the pot, by playing the devil’s advocate.

Even if they don’t believe that side of the argument or position, sometimes they’ll take it just to make you squirm. Oh, this is troubling me, just blissing these things because it is so uncomfortable for me to be in a relationship with these tyrants. They’re extremely pushy. And like I said, with this coworker, she was like a bulldozer, just bulldozing over me. And I would be in a meeting with our supervisor.

So I was on par with the other director, and then there was a supervisor, an assistant dean, and it was almost like a parent saying, you guys fight it out on your own. Absolutely stunning that even this authority would not take authority where they should have. So what did I do? Being the people pleaser that I was back then being the I don’t want to rock the boat, and am I the one that’s making her angry? Maybe she’s right.

If she’s so combative and pushy and like a bulldozer and bullying me, I don’t want to be bullied. So what did I do? I gave in. Now, this is years ago, and I actually felt horrible about doing so. I felt bad about not standing up for myself for what I knew, what was right. And don’t need to get into all the grimy details, but it had to do with who was going to be overseeing a program that was in my department.

And I had been running it at a profit very well. I had built it up, and she wanted to take it over into her department. Sure, after I had done all of the work. And I didn’t stay at that job much longer because I was onto all of my other entrepreneurial activities. But you can see that this has stayed with me for many years, which is why I wanted to talk about it and give you now the techniques and strategies that I wish I had known back then.

That alone is one of the strategies to be willing to grow and learn and improve your way of dealing with these tyrants rather than just rising to their level of being a bully, of being argumentative, of having to be right, of being pushy, of being condescending and combative and critical. Nobody comes out of that very well. At the very least, you’re at a standstill. And at the worst, for me, it’s like a loss of dignity, of self control, of integrity, of emotional maturity.

I don’t like getting into those verbal fistfights. So let me tell you what I’ve learned over the years and what I wish I had known then and what I am striving to apply now. And I will say that I don’t really have a lot of bullies in my life. Well, I have a lot on YouTube. But that’s just because YouTube is a public platform. And there are people that stumble across my channels and they want to rock the boat and spice things up and be behind the keyboard and make nasty comments.

Those are just the naysayers. I want to surround myself with sayers, and they can’t stand that there are individuals that love nothing more than to complain. I don’t know if I put that in the category of the tyrants. They certainly are complainers, and they are not really doers. They like to destroy more than do, and they like to destroy and criticize more than create. So the number one thing that worked for me, and I’m not saying these things are easy, but they are important.

And let me give you an example, that these tyrants, you could call them narcissists, but I just like to give a list of adjectives because people are so many things. In addition to that, the number one thing that I think determines whether this person is a tyrant and whether they are just emotionally immature and they haven’t really developed yet, is this. Are they willing to develop awareness about their thoughts, their emotions, their interactions with others, what they say, what they do? Or are they unwilling to take a look at who they are and unwilling to improve in these areas? That, to me, is pretty much that dividing line of, okay, this is somebody that I really need to set boundaries with because they’re not even willing to take a look at themselves.

Now, maybe I err on the side, if we’re looking at this line here, maybe I’m a little bit more on the side that I’m always kind of asking myself, what am I doing? Why am I doing that? What am I thinking? Why am I thinking that? What am I saying? Why am I saying that? What am I doing? Why am I doing this? I am a person that does take time for self reflection.

And it’s really because I want to live up to what God has in store for me. Because we are his masterpiece. We are his poetry. He has created you and me. He has imbued us with gifts, and he has created us for works to do before we were even born. He has a plan for our life, and I want to honor him. And I don’t want to fall short with all of these other petty attributes that I might slip into.

So part of my daily practice, I need to get better at it. But I do like to review what I’m doing in my life and how I’m interacting with people. And I am someone that actually places a high value on self awareness. What am I doing? How am I interacting? What am I saying? How am I presenting myself to the world now? I don’t obsess on it, but it’s something that is in the forefront of my mind because I don’t want to sleepwalk through life.

It’s basically paying attention. You may say it’s being, living consciously is another way of saying it. Just no more sleepwalking. But it seems like these tyrants are almost like they’re hypnotized or mesmerized or somehow they are not facing reality, the reality of what they’re doing. So when we look at that, the number one thing for me and for you in dealing with these tyrants, that has helped me immensely is don’t take it personally.

Easier said than done. These comments, the moods, the anger, the put downs, the judgments, the condescension, the critical comments, the dismissiveness, it stings. I’m not going to lie. I mean, I don’t lie, but it stings. It really does. But I’m not going to allow that to influence my behavior to the degree that I used to do so with my people pleasing. The second thing is, you don’t need to apologize.

Do not apologize for who you are, for what you believe, for your values, for your preferences, for your dreams, your goals, your habits, your taste, your emotions, your thoughts. You don’t need to apologize. You are you. The tyrant is the tyrant. And you will do well to have a compassionate and firm boundary. So the bottom line is, it’s not really about you, it’s about them. I know it’s a tough pill to swallow, especially if this is someone that you’re very close to, maybe a parent, a sibling, a child, a spouse, a coworker, a friend, somebody you interact with in the community, I get it.

But when you remind yourself, it’s not about me, it’s about them, and you look at them with a degree of compassion, maybe even pity, because it literally is sad. Think about living with all of those attributes, all those characteristics, not really attributes that I just described. That’s punishment enough to always be critical, combative, argumentative, have to be right in the spotlight. Moody, oppressive, insulting, humiliating, degrading, dismissive. I don’t want any of that around me.

I want to live in dignity and integrity and self respect. And so I will sort of scan for how I can remain holding my ground. I’ve done videos on that in the past, standing my ground. But here are a couple of other very simple tips. So, number one, if at all possible, limit your time with them, literally time. So if you’re on a Zoom call, if you’re on a phone call, if you’re on a committee or they’re expecting that you’re going to visit with them, limit your time.

Instead of spending an hour, you could spend 15 minutes. Instead of having a phone call with them once a week. It could be once a month. Maybe you’re not going to be seeing them very much. At a certain point, that is okay. You don’t need to do these things at your own expense. I think it’s important also to limit your physical boundaries with the person. So if you’re always interacting with them on their turf, for example, with this coworker, I learned, one thing I did learn is don’t have the meeting in her office.

That gives her the power. It’s her turf. And don’t have the meeting in my office because she’s going to be even more combative and pushy and all of that thinking that she has to be one up, since it’s in my office. So having a neutral location is ideal. Maybe outside, so you’re side by side and not face to face. Maybe going on a walk where there’s some energy and movement and breath and kind of releasing some of the emotions.

So having a time limit, having a physical boundary limit, and then as much as possible, this is an area where I’m still learning and growing. When you have to interact with the person, rather than feeling like, oh, I have to do this, it’s my responsibility. I’m obligated. You’re doing it reluctantly and with resentment that actually harms you, you now are giving in to interacting with the tyrant in a way that doesn’t serve you.

So if at all possible, you’re not doing this with resentment and obligation, and I am required to do it, it’s like, okay, I’m choosing to do this because you actually have a choice not to. You have a choice not to have that job. You have a choice not to be with that person. You actually have those choices. Now, those choices come with consequences that you might not like, but when you remind yourself, hey, I have a choice to whether to interact with this person or not.

For me, that helps me pull my shoulders back, sit up a little taller, breathe a little more deeply, and go, okay, I got this. I got this. And then the most powerful weapon of all, you may not funny to use the word weapon. Can you have an interaction from a place of compassion, understanding compassion for how hurt they are to be. This hurtful understanding of, gosh, not everybody is like, I am.

So I got to understand that acceptance that, well, this is who they are, I’m not going to change them. And is it possible to infuse it with a little love? I know that’s a tall order, but when I am looking at a person like they are a scared puppy in the corner lashing out, it actually empowers me, and I no longer feel so put upon. I’m no longer the victim of their tirade, of their tyranny.

And that actually helps me deal with the situation. A few specific topics or actually phrases that you could use with someone when you’re in the midst of the interaction. So we’re going to limit the time, we’re going to limit the location. We know it’s not about us. We’re not taking it personally. We don’t have to apologize. We can feel like, kind of feel for that person. And then throughout the interaction, you could say things like, okay, I could see how you would feel that way.

So you’re not arguing and you’re also not agreeing with them, but it kind of puts them off balance because they’re expecting you to argue. You can say, well, I can see where you’re coming from. My experience has been different. You just leave it at that. So they’re not probably going to agree with you. They’re not going to soften their position. And the more you agree with them, interestingly, the more.

How do I put this? If you stand up for yourself, they actually will respect you more because in the back of their mind, they know that you were going along with them just because if you don’t, they’re going to be angry. And their esteem of you actually diminishes. Not that you’re behaving or acting to get their approval, but it actually can help you feel stronger, more confident standing in your dignity, integrity, self respect by standing up for yourself.

And the final question that I ask myself is, who do I want to be in this situation? Do I want to be the punching bag and receiving all of this? Or can I stand with compassionate boundaries? Can I send out love and acceptance and understanding, kind of as a buffer zone? Can I limit myself with these compassionate boundaries and get through this interaction by limiting my time, my physical location with these tyrants? And that, my friends, is what I have done over the years.

I hope that my tips and techniques are useful for you. Let me know in a comment what you’re dealing with. And as always, I look forward to seeing you in our very next get together. I am here every day. .

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